Simple Life

Pasir Ris Tragedy-A Thought to be Remembered

2010-11-02T22:18:00.002+08:00

It's been quite a while since I've blogged.
Am I losing interest?
Am I finding it more difficult to source out new inspirations/topics to ponder?
Am I losing that sensitivity towards the happenings around me?
I don't know.
Yet, somehow, it seems that this is still the place for me to seek solace in the mad-ness that had seemingly engulfed reality.
It's this place that I can ponder and realize my thoughts freely without judgement. Without caring if another person is going to contest the contents of my writings or run the rule over my poor grammar. Agreed. Poor grammar inhibits comprehension. Yet, excessive reference to grammar rules inhibits my freedom of expression. The sense of joy that fills up as I put each thought in my head into words. I think.

Anyway, perhaps the real motivation of me restarting the blog was an article in the newspapers about the Pasir Ris Tragedy where a teenage boy was hacked to death by a group with alleged gang-relations. I felt sorry for the boy and more so for his parents and love ones. A small matter such as a "staring" incident had escalated into the loss of lives. A degeneration of societal values?
Perhaps I was affected by this incident because it made me realize that I really should count my lucky stars over my growing up years. I had personally been caught in "staring" incidents....maybe out of ignorance for what it entails or gradually of defiance that signifies my resentfulness toward bullies?
It dawned on me that perhaps someday, I too ,will be greeted with indignant teenage faces through their staring glances. How will I react? How should I react?
To look away=to being fearful?
No. I disagree.
But then what should I do?
A question worth pondering.

As the boy's father mentioned at the end of the report "Let there be justice"
I hope so too.
For the sake of the boy's passing.
For the sake of his family's want for justice and accountability.
For the sake of this society's moral and values system.
For the sake of our future.

Rest in peace-Darren

Life goes on.

Fragility of life

2010-01-25T22:14:00.002+08:00

Time passes us by ever so slowly , ever so sweet.
Time passes us by ever so swiftly, ever so bittersweet.

I should have been immersed in my work. Projects...datelines...tests.....but yet I choose to take a few minutes of my time to write this entry. For remembrance. For reminder to self. For advice to all.

Life is short. Treasure the gifts bestowed upon oneself. I told myself. No. I tell myself.

A friend of my dad had just passed away. I vaguely remember being acquintanced with him. He gave me a couple of lessons on maths...but more so about believing in God. Chatty and assured of himself he always seem to be. An acquintance he may be, but perhaps a lifelong lesson and reminder he had served to me. He passed away just after his beloved wife did. Immense grief or endless love. More likely, both.

Death is not to be trivialized. I dared not and shall not. Yet, it is of my own opinion to embrace and love all who one would treasure, especially in this seemingly short span of what we have come to denote as "life" when things could just changed within the instance of a second.

My deepest condolences to his loved ones and heartfelt wish that he would thus find eternal happiness and joy in the realms of paradise.

Goodbye Uncle Jo. A pleasure to have been acquaintances in the meeting of our lives.

Alas, to self, to all....

Life goes on.

Dusting the cobwebs....and more

2009-12-07T21:27:00.002+08:00

Have you ever felt helpless ?

I have.

Have you ever missed someone so dearly?

I am.

Things happen for a reason. Yet I feel there will always be a little voice in each of us that tells us what we should do and which path to choose. A choice that determines the exact meaning one would contrue as the reason for the corresponding consequences and effects. Some friends say I think too much. However, I feel I am merely expanding my thought process to encompass the other possible choices and alternatives that had been laid before me.

For the past couple of days, I had been vexed with emotions and wandering thoughts of giving up. Giving something up that for the first time in my life I had fought so strongly and believed so fervently in. Perhaps to passing wanderers to this blog, if ever there are, I am but a mere simpleton who pens his thoughts and grouses then proceeds to live on and continue his usual routines in life. However, to anyone who knew me, perhaps these grouses reveal beyond the superficiality of myself. This is me. It is a paradox. I tend to hide so much of myself in reality and yet choose to reveal so much of my inner thoughts here, a public channel that promises access to anybody-by accident or for mere curiosity.

I laugh at myself sometimes. The foolishness of my actions. Yet perhaps it seems this fool knows no bounds.

I have chosen to commit and it is a choice I will adhere to. I told myself I will not allow this little sanctary of space to be conflated with my reality. Yet, perhaps this post shall mark as an exception.

To anyone who is reading this, this is me. Being true to oneself is what defines myself as an individual. Changing per se does not represent me not being myself. Instead, changing for the sake of a specific and special reason is what that defines me for I would thus have a legitamate reason to indulge in the altered state. I change when I believe in something and yet this does not constitute as me not respecting my self and being contrary to the entire idea of " self".

Whatever the case, I still frevently hope that decisions could be reversed. New choices could be made. I hope I could be accepted as who I am and not who one would think I am.

My hope for a happy reunion still lingers. If only I can be accepted to be who I am. There are things I cannot change. For anything else, I will try and still be me.

But again, as always....

Life goes on.

Wandering Thoughts

2009-02-08T03:36:00.002+08:00

想你 -
beyond

I do not know why...but after listening to the song over the radio....it just kept lingering in my head refusing to go away....

wonder if it's something with the lyrics.....

or the face painted in my mind....

I wonder how many more keys I need to try on before I can unlock the mysteries.....hiaz....just hope I don't run out before it's due

Life goes on....

School and Results....an equation or an inequality ?

2009-01-17T22:52:00.003+08:00

Education.....a pursuit of academia or a journey to find one's true self ?

After the release of this year's O-levels results...the usual clamouring of the brightest young minds adorn the front pages and hogged the limelight....yet this time....there was a certain passive pride swelling within me. Nope. I did not retook my O-levels...and even then...I would never be associated with being seen as the cream of crop or the top x% of the cohort. Instead, I felt immense pride that my alma mater produced 12 students(if I remember correctly from the papers) who scored at least 9A1s....a truly remarkable feat. Further....that special segment I caught on TV devoted on this extraordinary result certainly roused a bout of nostalgia as it interviewed and filmed from the very vicinity of the place I once spent 11 years of my school life in....though I must say much has changed as compared to how I remembered it to be. Perhaps it is indeed such moments that I feel wearing that little green shorts is not such a bad idea after all....

Academic results matter yet so is finding what one truly wants to do with his life. I would not say I am absolved of guilt in my academic pursuit....yet perhaps just as a note to those who tried and yet not meet their expectations....life goes beyond what one sees before him. I too shared that anguish and pain of failing...but I believed in the reasons for my failures....hopefully to treat it as a platform to spur oneself onto greater heights.

Life goes on....

Christmas Merry Making'08

2008-12-26T00:50:00.003+08:00

A Gift to be Remembered (X'mas'08)

When I was still a kid...Christmas was about presents. Time passes and for the past couple of years...the day was spent with my family sans the presents. I hardly spent the day with friends...except for that very fateful day my choir mates and I went for dinner after our last caroling session.

Yet for the first time in ages....I felt being young again. This year...I spent my X'mas with my NIE friends and being immersed in the very joy of merry making once again. Though presents were not being deemed as important as in the past...the very gesture of giving and receiving one certainly completes my day. The presents per se were not important...though with exceptions....but rather the act of giving and sharing one's joy is what that matters now.

I really do appreciate all the goodwill and wishes of my friends. Presents need not be confined within the premises of a physical entity...a simple X'mas greeting could just be the bridge to share the joy.

Anyway....I was glad BK became my guide and showed me the way to Books Actually. I had always wanted to visit the place in person ever since I read about it in the papers a couple of years ago. A quint little bookstore that houses a collection of much interesting reads with a certain strong air of literary comfort. It is certainly a little haven for all bookish fanatics....especially if getting a X'mas present for one. Alike its location....I bought a little red notepad of sorts made of moleskin...i think. Though inconspicuous at first glance....there reside an unmistakable classy charm upon further inspection...handmade and limited in stock..or at least was what I was led to believe from the online description. It being the last red one also helped....haha

X'mas came and past.
I wonder what holds in store for me the new year ahead.

Ps: Hope Uncle Sam gets better soon.

Life goes on.

Reunion

2008-12-19T01:01:00.002+08:00

Some believe that only through tough times would one be able to see who their friends are...some treasure friendships only when it is lost...

I believe in cherishing the present....

I finally met up again with my army pals and I finally got to watch Cape No. 7....though the plot was rather contrived...the music, humour and acting were nevertheless top notch. The song kept swirling in my head....a simple song to go with the simple mantra of being true to oneself. A tinge of simpleness and complexity encased within a song....probably it is just something I could identify with....

We had dinner at Timbre thereafter. Generous portions of food.....great music from the live band( "Goodfellas") but most importantly the sharing of the juiciest gossips amongst our social lives.

Some look at the past for comfort.
Some look at the future for hope.
I'm just happy that some had looked at the present and had found what they had always been looking for.

As a friend advised me on not losing hope......guess I never should.

And maybe more......

Life goes on.

Growing up too fast anyone ?

2008-12-05T01:20:00.002+08:00

It is kind of funny that when there I was slogging along during the semester meeting datelines and (attempting to or at least it seems) passing my tests, which finally culminated in the cramming and mugging madness before the exams, my mind were crowded with thoughts of the holidays instead of the formulas and concepts that were expected of me.

Ushering in the holidays and there I was thinking how life feels so empty and hollow without all the hustle and bustle of work. It starts to dawn on me.....whatever happened to all those grand and magnificent holiday plans I had festered in my mind during the exam period. Guess it truly is unfathomable the things one desire in life.

I had dinner with one of my close buddies, one whom I knew through Secondary school and JC. Then, we were always cracking lame jokes, talking about computer/X Box games, fighting it out over who was the best character in the Lord of the Rings movie/game series ( for the record, I still think Gimli is not as useless as he is portrayed to be). Essentially, we revolved around what most "geeks" would tend to immersed themselves in.

However, it seems that the times of mere "teenage talk" may have faded into the background but instead topics I would have deemed boring in the past are foregrounded. Lame jokes were replaced by our views on the present dire global economic plight; gaming thoughts were replaced with our ventures/proposed ventures ( or in my case the lack thereof) in building portfolios and investments of stocks and shares. We shared our philosophies of investments and the entire debate on the pros and cons of which. The "His Go-getter VS My Conservative (read Kiasu)" debate when it comes to investing in stocks. We talked about our views on marriage and the whole economic liabilities it promises to ensue. We speculated ,hypothetically at least, despite factoring in a stable income and promises of less extravagant expenditure, we realised that we would still be in debt when or if we choose to eventually get married.

Well...least he looks a more likely bet to start constructing his marital plans. Not that I am being envious or anything.

He remarked that whilst we are only in our early 20s, sometimes life forces you to grow up. I could not agree more. But at what expense ?...

Or perhaps.....are we growing up too fast to really enjoy what life truly promises due to the pragmatic realisation of facing up to realities ? It is not the case that I appear not willing to "grow up"....but rather...are we truly happy with the kind of life we apparently are slated to lead ?...Could true happiness be derived from pragmatism ? Is happiness in fact what we are seeking in life ??

I do not know.

Questions I continue to seek answers for.

Life goes on.

A New Chapter in Life

2008-11-26T02:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes changes and decisions are painful.....that was possibly why I was feeling kind of blue these couple of days. I said/ wrote some things I should not have.....consequences I never thought would inflict pain onto others....people I never would have hurt. I could have deleted the post...but I didn't....imperfection it may be....but a facet of life...it remains.

I'm glad I had my friend to confide in...had a little chat and things indeed do seem much brighter. There really are things that cannot be forced...sometimes in that moment of impulse.....my eyes do appear blind...but well...

I'm growing to accept my decision and heed the advices dispensed....to move on with life. Life is filled with trials and errors....guess not many do get it right the first time round.

I just hope that whoever reads this post....if there indeed is somebody....that the moment 22nd Nov'08...2230 may be short-lived but nonetheless etched deeply in my memory.

Life goes on...

Conflicted

2008-11-24T23:01:00.002+08:00

Things happen.
Things change.
Mind's in a whirlwind;
and I'm conflicted on how to set things straight.

Emo-ing..........haiz

Never expected my blog to be read.....I sometimes wonder if I indeed should pour my sea of emotions into this.....

but then again.....why not ??....

I'm no exhibitionist......but merely a soul searching for his voice

I hope what I did was right...though doubts continue to reside within me.....

The Road Less Travelled

2008-11-23T01:05:00.003+08:00

The day was supposed to spent shopping and chilling around with friends.....but guess I got a bit more than I bargained for.

I mean....after getting a drink of a bottle of white rum...vodka...cola and etc etc...as well as a free exploration trip of admiralty....many thoughts ran through my head as I began my journey home. I took the lesser travelled route...alighting a stop before I was supposed to....perhaps to sober myself up...perhaps to think through what my friend had said.....the stark realities of the life we live in.....something very unlike the world of idealism and perfection that I seemed to be constantly trapped within. I blamed myself for being perhaps a tad too obstinate.....too unemphathetic....too..................selfish perhaps.

It may seemed kind of coincident but the first song I had plugged onto my mp3 as I strolled home was David Tao's Ordinary Friends. Up till that moment, it never occured to me how much of a person I was...and up till that moment...the true meanings of the lyrics never resounded louder. Things happen for a reason...or least it is how I would choose to believe. Certain things cannot be forced and be made into the way one had always envisioned it to be.

I stand at a crossroad....uncertain to proceed and chase the ending I desire......or backtrack for I can seek comfort that there exist someone else who is better than I will ever be and offer more than I ever had....

There are some obstacles too insurmountable...even for the most optimistic....guess my friend perhaps know me better than I ever do.....

Life decisions are tough to make...results and outcomes of which never seem to be realised in the near future.....yet......

perhaps as long as I know that the other person will find happiness......
would I know that maybe the decision was painful but necessary.

I'm satisfied.

Beautiful moments are short....albeit a little too short-lived...haiz

2008-10-24T23:30:00.003+08:00

Exams are coming.....Project datelines are nearing...stress is piling.....and yet here I am slacking and pondering over stuff I know I should leave till after this tumultuous period.

I did something brave today. Or at least to me that is. Unlike what other people's definition of "brave" is....I did not dash into some house on fire or even save a cat from a tree.....I chose to act what I felt. The moment was fleeting...only couple of hundred metres to be exact and did not conclude in the way I had hope for.....Some say I was much too passive and hesitate too much.....some say I am too headstrong and things are moving too fast....

I don't know what lies ahead.

Thoughts are swirling in my head.....I seek answers but am only rewarded with questions in my head. Was what I did wrong ?...Should I had taken a step back and give more breathing space ?...Am I too selfish?...maybe.

Perhaps it is only best I seek solace once again in books...least I know I will seek knowledge for my own benefit.....not for others.

Cross-roads

2008-10-05T02:11:00.002+08:00

"We each take different paths in life, but no matter where we go, we take a little of each other, everywhere."

A quote a friend left me with....a thought it seems will remain with me ever since...

Sometimes...life never seem to go according to the manner you want it to be.....but i have never stopped hoping it will someday....

As what I always say.....life goes on...

Maths and life

2008-09-25T18:43:00.003+08:00

Mathematics is all about solving equations and deriving the unknowns. The first time my maths teacher made me see the light, it brought about a certain sense of bliss.

Sometimes, we may face many riddles and unknowns in life. Yet...the feeling of finally deriving an answer I have been seeking for seemingly an eternity is equally satisfying.....perhaps sweeter. It seems that spurt of euphoria could even miraculously lessen that niggling cramp on my lift thigh.

The future beckons.

Random Grouses

2008-09-20T13:20:00.003+08:00

I had been pestered to get a haircut by almost everyone I met....my dad...mom...even some NIE schoolmates. Granted. My hair do looked like some mash of dry grass with a little nerdy front parting to top it off. I have to confess....I am easily influenced by the things the people around me tend to advocate. So much for trying to portray a Strong will of preserving my style.

Anyway...the lady boss at the hair saloon was surprisingly in a chirpy mood and had offered to cut my hair.....usually it would be left to her "underlings"...afterall...I'm just a patron who's here for his regular haircut and would never pay any other hair treatment/services beyond the basic $10. Well....the cut went well...or at least I think....I estimated it took less than 10 minutes though. But it was what she said after finishing cutting/trimming...It was supposed to be in mandarin but I tried to translate it the way as I remembered...

Auntie: Xiao Di (literally: little brother)...I've cut your back according to layers....

Me: Orh....okok....(prepares to dismount from the chair and reached for my wallet)

Auntie: Wait....(with a quirky glint in her eye)...shall I style it for you ??

Me:( Blur smile)

I think she rampage through her jar of clay/gel/I don't know what..and started tussling and pulling my hair in all sorts of direction whilst in the midst dispensing tips on how to style and make my hair look less "obiang". For once...I peered into the mirror and thought I looked kind of trendy....albeit the effect didn't last long or at least the last of my "gravity-defying strands of hair" never stood again beyond me crossing the road home. The gust of wind sure showed no mercy in spoiling my one moment of actually looking less like a dork. Anyway...I'm back being me again...perhaps I should try styling it someday on my own....but then again being a couch potato....maybe not.

The 1 week school break has just begun and I'm really looking forward to it...I'm really tired. As like all school holidays....it always seem more like a time to catch up on assignments and preparation for tests...an all too familiar feeling of deja vu.

Though I know I'm not the only one in this predicament, it always seem I can never break out from such a cycle.....or perhaps I had already accepted it as part of life.

Wants in life

2008-08-15T23:31:00.003+08:00

I want a new cellphone,
an iphone or HTC would be nice.
Elegant yet functional,
the apple of my eye.

I want a new laptop,
4GB RAM and all.
The gadget that leaves geeks drooling,
the object of my desire.

I want a new life,
a sky so free and shackles off my feet.
A world so perfect and nice,
the land serenaded by melodious choruses of happiness.

Yet all he asks for is to drive,
no matter a Bentley or a Cherry QQ.
A simple carriage in these modern times,
to take his family for a spin and mend the broken ties.

I heard a true story about a friend,
a friend I've grown to respect.

Sometimes....the things one desire to have seems to matter so much...yet in fact we could all just be missing out on the greatest gift of all....life.

NDP'08

2008-08-10T00:37:00.009+08:00

Night lights

Night Lights

Air Display by Black Knights

The seemingly elusive tix

It has been ages since I had attended the National Day parade....perhaps the previous experience was the mandatory full dress rehearsal P5 students had to attend. Considering my age....that was about 11 years ago....sometimes one never realise how time has eluded you until you actually halt and reminiscence on the past.

Anyway....guess this was indeed fate's way of wanting me to remember the day. As my brother and I took to our seats and rampage through the gift packs...I mean isn't this what most people would do for NDP ?!...dark clouds gathered and I was at least glad I was not the only person who wore a look of much foreboding. The sky eventually gave way to a peltering slew of raindrops but thankfully for the ponchos...we remained dry albeit in a rather uncomfortable sense. I for one was indeed very thankful that there was a poncho in my gift pack in the first place as the NDP cap was found absent in my bag and the inflatable hand clapper thingy was faulty as the lights just would not work. To top it off......the sling to the bag snap just as I was carrying it home....Note to self....should have shown my aggressive side and demanded a new pack....haha

Well.... the show on the whole was alright...liked the air show best with some breathtaking display of aerial gymnastics....the usual crowd pleaser of fireworks continued to impress......

It was nice to be able to there in person to experience the atmosphere after having to contend with watching it on TV for years....a nice change and certainly an unforgettable one.

Now....I really wonder how NDP'09 will be like....

Coloourful Weekend

2008-07-22T12:16:00.000+08:00

Though the title may sound like some primary school composition title...but least it is a moment that should be remembered nonetheless.

Anyway...the first shades of red...literally...were added to my otherwise mundane week on friday whilst I met a couple of NIE friends for movie and dinner at Vivo. After watching The Dark Knight..of which I have to admit was pretty well filmed with some solid acting from the cast that actually made certain members of the audience squirm in their seats...my friend hit upon this crazy idea of purchasing vodka whilst waiting for the rest for dinner. Though I do not exactly abhor alcohol...but I pretty much guessed what was awaiting me and my fears were expectantly confirmed at the cashier counter.
The female cashier..who in fact may even be of the same age as me...took one suspicious glance at me and demanded to check my IC despite the long queue of patrons waiting impatiently behind us. I attempted to "smoke" my way through but was greeted with a stony glare instead...I had no choice but to comply and never was I more inclined to find a deeper hole to bury my head in. To add salt to my predictament...the cashier did not even take a second look at my friend...much less demended her IC. I am so going to be reminded of this for life. Coupled with the "little" accident that had me stained with raspberry vodka and the aftermath of my drink...guess I never looked red-der. The refreshing sea breeze and scenic view of the port kept me sober and yet it brought about a certain bout of nostalgia as I remembered the times I had spent my vacation onboard those Star Cruises liners. Cool sea breeze...a good friend to chat alongside...vodka to boot...sometimes these are the little enjoyments in life one can ever seek solace in.

Saturday was spent with my family as we went ahead with our initial plans to have durians by the roadside along Sims road. Green was the order of the day...thus to satiate our innate cravings for the thorny treasure of a fruit...we hit upon the idea a week ago and made it a point to do so despite our "busy" schedules. "Mao shan Wang" truly lived up to its name...with its aromatic flesh almost melting in my mouth...I dare say it's one of the best durains I had ever tasted.

I celebrated my army friend's birthday on Sunday. We had lunch at Pizza Hut before indulging in a K-box session at Suntec. Blue was perhaps the colour that best describe my mood...the lack of sleep due to the my durian rendevous and the realization of how bad a singer I was in the company of so many "pros" may have probably contributed to it....

Anyway...the imminent end to the holidays are nearing ever closer...back to the life of a stressful academic calender...just hope that things would look brighter and more optimistic

A taste of ( Real) life...

2008-06-29T23:47:00.002+08:00

As it stands...i'm just a few hours away from my first teaching experience at a school. Perhaps it's just the jitter bug doing its round....my stomach was feeling all queasy and uneasy the whole day...really wonder what it will be like.....i'm just hoping everything goes smoothly and with no hic-cups whatsoever....

Anyway...I'm presently partially sun burnt from....read this.....swimming. I've been told countless times I've really rather fair complexion...all right perhaps it may be an understatement...but anyway...I never did spot a tanned or bronzed look that seems to be the ideal look most people desire even whilst I was serving in NS....getting the odd look of disbelief and skepticism from acquaintance when informed of my NS status were a common sight....

Angry and menacing patches of red define the before and after look from my chest up....guess that's the price one pays for talking crap and just soaking in the waters instead of fulfilling the initial objective...to get some exercise and obliverate the seemingly increasing amount of flab that hangs from our unglamourous outlook...

Just imagine...three guys stopping to chat after swimming a lap each in between large chunks of intervals...whilst the other swimmers around continue swimming away....training their stamina...guess that's the guilty me speaking...haiz...least I got a tan...albeit somewhat with mixed consequences than what I had hoped....

Well...the holidays are just about to draw to a close....I'm just hoping I can add more meaning into my time...as always.

Lost Moments

2008-06-15T17:17:00.002+08:00

Life is always unpredictable...

Just attended my army pal's father funeral on friday. Despite appearing rather subdued, at least I'm glad to see my friend had seemingly accepted the loss.

It just makes one to want to cherish his loved ones more before it is lost.

Regrets befall onto those who chose not to cherish and treasure the gifts and love bestowed upon one.

Chasing Shadows

2008-06-04T23:44:00.002+08:00

There's the old saying, "when life throws you a lemon, you make lemonade'.
As much optimistic my outlook of life seemingly appears to be, I cannot possibly deny that innate gnawing presence of pessimism residing deep within me. Perhaps it is that almost habitual practice of constantly being that "almost" person...the guy who promised so much but always never able to achieve what is really expected of him.

The guy who tackled for the ball only to lose it moments later in a soccer match...
The guy who shadowed his opponent's every movement only to lose steam and fade into oblivion in a basketball game...
The guy who sprinted and lapped along the waters only to find his arms and feet bounded by cramps little moments from the starting blocks...
The guy who exceeded expectations in his first semester only to lose it all when everyone around him seem to finally place expectations on his shoulders....

I do not know if I am just someone deviod of the temperment to handle stressful situations or just simply being harsh on myself. It seems everything I do never goes according to plan...Murphy's Law perhaps...

That sense of unpleasurable guilt and immense frustration felt when a friend enquired how the results and grades went...but before any response was tendered...it seems that duely claims of me gettings As and distinctions are but a mere formality and that only my personal acknowledgement would suffice. I never did hold grudges for I understood the intention of it was constructed more as a joke than anyother inflammatory comment....guess I am just more angry with myself for not achieving what was expected of me. I just feel maybe I have let too many people in my life down one too many times...

Much as I try to ignore them...it seems I just cannot allow myself not to be judged by others...maybe I do regard much more of how other perceived of me than I had initially imagined. Superficial as can be...I am still a mortal susceptible to judgements...

A friend commented that I seem rather different from how I am in real life as compared to my voice in this blog...maybe I am.....but perhaps I am not afterall...it leaves to the perceptor to judge once again...

I thought I had finally found someone who understood me....then again...being the "almost" person I am...guess nothing works according to plan when you most need it to be...

Nevertheless....life goes on.

Conquer Online

2008-05-01T14:47:00.001+08:00

http://handinhand.co.91.com/link.php?uin=5823

Trying out this online game...seems pretty cool....

least hope it will keep me occupied till I find a job..haha

Life is Short

2008-04-30T01:13:00.003+08:00

Life is short.

Taking for granted the gifts he has been blessed upon,
losing sight of the most valuable riches of all.
Blinded by that hunger for fame and desire for fortune perhaps;
when all it takes to be happy is to lead a simple life.

I tell myself that I want to lead a fulfilled and meaningful life...but it seems at every juncture I ask myself the question....I just cannot place a satisfactory answer to it. Have I found meaning in my life ?

I don't know what came over me....this sudden bout of self-reflection...perhaps it was after I chanced upon this news on the school's announcement bulletin with regards to the passing of Ms Tay Xin Yu, a Dip Ed student who had suffered from leukemia. I remember rather vividly the instances of the call for financial aid to help ease the family's burdens back in Sem 1 on the portal. Recently, there were calls for bone marrow donors. I knew I should have helped...or at least try....but I did'nt.

There were many postings on the announcement column seeking contributions...but I never did respond. I read the updates to her condition and really felt for her as well the family...the pain she had to bear and the struggles they had to overcome....
Perhaps I have been making excuses for myself...the heavy workload...etc....
but it just seems to make me realise just how fragile and abrupt life can appear to be....

Our lives hinge upon every decision and action ( or inaction) one may choose to undertake..a schma decreed by fate maybe..guess I cannot agree more..

Though I may not know her at all...yet there was this certain sense of loss that engulfed me when I read the posting....just hope that she could find solace in heaven knowing that she had influenced the lives of others. I would like to extend my condolences to her family and friends...to remain strong...for I'm sure she had finally found her meaning to life.

Anyway....the school postings are out and I'm posted to Balestier Pri and Cedar Girls for my teaching experience. I was kind of shocked and it appears that many of my friends are sharing the same level of excitement as I do....maybe more....

I'm just hoping that for a guy who has spent most of his time in a boy's school to NOT make a joke of himself in a girl's school....and that includes that incessant blushing syndrome I seem to have developed....sigh

Belated 22nd Birthday Post

2008-04-06T17:54:00.003+08:00

It's really been while since I had posted anything new....not that i did'nt want to...just did'nt have much time with all the assignments...tests....etc all crammed within the last few weeks before the actual exams...."stress" was the word everyone around me seems to be reciting....

Anyway......24th March marked my 22nd birthday....and I really am grateful for all the wishes and presents from all...

My army buddies for the book which I really loved.....will start on it after the exams.....as well as the time spent at the little gathering we had at PS...it's only these moments that I recalled the NS days with a smile...

My NIE folks for that beautiful shirt....guess it will make me look older and hopefully more like a teacher than a student....

Above all....I value the friendship.

The exams are in the horizons....stress are abound....the weight on my shoulders seem to get heavier by the day....but it's through these times that you realise that there will be people who will be with you on this journey..it's really comforting...and just make you treasure the people around you more than anything....

Cheers!

Forgotten

2008-02-05T01:28:00.000+08:00

We live a life of regrets.
Too often a time we lament the past and forget about the present
We blamed the world and everyone but ourselves;
for the things we should or should not have done.
Much as we wished for our tears to wash away the guilt we feel inside,
we can't;
for we have chosen to live a life of regrets.

I know Chinese New year is approaching and it is supposed to be a period of family reunions and merry making...and the above sort of creates a mood that somehow do not quite align with the festive moment....but I just cannot help but feel a tinge of sadness within me.

I looked into her eyes and felt the intense absence of the once fiery glare that flares up whenever she got heated up. She patted my head and afforded a gentle smile for the first time in years and suddenly I noticed just how frail she had become. She tried to recall who I was and though she could not put a name to the face before her, I imagined that perhaps that deep down she knew who I was. I smiled.

I missed the days I had lived with her. I missed her cooking and I certainly missed the little moments in our lives that formed the jigsaws that constitues my childhood.

Age has caught up with her. Her memory was not as good as before when she could remember complicated recipes. Her mind may not be as clear yet I can at least be certain that my memories of her would always be remembered.

Forever.

2007---A year of transition.....2008----A year of new challenges ??

2008-01-04T23:28:00.000+08:00

2007 was simply a year of transitions.
A bittersweet regimental military lifestyle back to a seemingly more carefree civilian/student living environment...or so I thought.

Prior to March, my mind was constantly abuzz with earnest anticipation on regaining my student status and starting on a new slate in a fresh academic climate...College life beckons.

However...after experiencing a semester of uni life...guess "carefree" would not be an appropriate adjective to be associated with. Textbooks never seemed heavier...nights never seemed shorter especially during the exam periods...and sleep never seemed more prescious.
Well....on the bright side...least I learnt much such as I can finally differentiate a noun and an adjective....or at least the simpler ones.

The holidays were spent rather uneventfully...except that at long last did my family and I had a belated family holiday. Though it was a mere trip to Genting over the weekends...it was afterall the first time in years did we...or the for the matter of fact...me....travel overseas. I had a great time just being away from home as well as embarking on a "roller-coaster frenzy" with my younger brother...the nauseous aftermath non-withstanding. The sheer feeling of anticipated fear that accompanied the precise moment before being dropped from a height of almost 10 stories replayed continuously in my mind even long after the ride was over.It was also a pleasant surprise to meet Ann Tat, an army friend, there since we have not met up since we ord-ed in march.

2008 promises to be ladened with new obstacles and challenges...the road ahead seemed bumpier and load heavier than ever...yet a repeat of the disappointments in 2005 only serve to encourage me.

Anyway...as a footnote....I watched the news telecast with abject sadness upon hearing the passing of funnyman MC King. I had the good fortune to meet him at an event he hosted and had a picture taken whilst I was probably 6 or 7 years old. I would like to extend my sympathies to his familiy and friends and hope that despite his departure...memories of his infectious and hearty laughter continue to live on inside us.

Peek into the Past

2007-12-17T01:22:00.000+08:00

For too long a time all 21 years of me have been lamenting on the "what if-s" and " if only-s" in my life...
What if I had put in more effort...If only I had persisted....perhaps I would have some achievement to prove myself........special.

Maybe it is the effect of belatedly catching on the Heroes fever and watching too many episodes or more likely having caught glimpses of familiar faces on the recently concluded SEA games held in Korat, Thailand, over the television.

It would perhaps eternally be remembered as an embarrassing phrase of my life. I was a member of my primary school swimming team and had a chance to gain acquitance with future luminaries of Singapore's swiming fraternities. Whilst people like Lim Zhi Cong and Marcus Cheah were already winning medals and breaking records, swimming meets to me then were like a prolonged moment of agony for I could count myself lucky if I had not finished last in the race.

As I watched from the very comforts of my home the once familiar look of intense concentration prior to the race and the flow of jubilation upon their triump....I was just glad that they never did lose sight of their aspirations...of which I cannot lay claim to.

Well....though I have chosen to live a life different to theirs...I am optimistic that perhaps someday I would finally find something I am good at...to prove not only to people but also to myself that I may be "special" after all.....

PS: the last comment of me having an innate desire of grandeur could most likely be attributed to the withdrawal symptomes of watching the Heroes series...

Tv can sometimes be such an addiction.

Life as it is

2007-11-06T18:49:00.000+08:00

Project presentations......Done
Essays......Finito

Next up.......Final Exams....

After toiling over the series of projects and assignments, I am glad it is pretty much over. Collaborative efforts really allows one to look beyond the surface and understand how different people work....maybe I'm an individualistic person or just a plain a loner when doing group work...I tend to want to be involved in everything...maybe it's a fault I should consider correcting....

Anyway....life, with the exception of the workload, remains the same. A friend mentioned to me that I seemed the sort who hides my true feelings......perhaps there may be some truth in it.

I'm not aggrieved that I failed...but rather aggrieved that I never tried. A familiar plot that seems to be repeating itself in a different movie.

Anyway...life is as such. Hope remains very much alive for everyday will be a new beginning.
Now...all I want is to do well for my exams.

PS: My tutor commented that my essay seemed really into philosophy...guess it's the practice I have writing some nonsensical jargon whilst blogging....guess that's a positive attribute of blogging

I have a Silly Habit

2007-10-04T20:03:00.000+08:00

I have a habit,
of making myself look silly.
My stomach seems to growl at the most inexplicable moment,
such as in the midst of a lecture in the LT.

I have a habit,
of making myself look silly.
Being oblivious to the sniggers and trail of water,
dripping from the partially capped bottle in my bag.

I have a habit,
of making myself look silly.
Instead of pressing the button to get my queue number from the machine,
I ended up pressing the one for paper refill and almost could not fix it back IN THE Library.

I have a habit,
of making myself look silly.
I was looking forward to it,
only to be spurned on my maiden feeble attempt to ask a girl out.

I have a habit,
of making myself look silly.
Even if I never intended to,
but it may just be the way I am.

Frivolous Thoughts

2007-09-28T11:38:00.000+08:00

Recess Week....to be honest..it is a rather noval way of terming the mid term break.
Anyway...Exams are round the corner and here I am...slacking away as usual...

I attended a JC classmate's 21st Birthday last saturday and got to meet up with many old friends...some of whom I have never seen since graduation. I was pretty taken aback when MS, a former classmate, remarked that as compared to the others in the class, I looked very much "constant". Now, pardon the pun, but as I was in a Maths orientated class, mathematical terms were used rather freely and loosely. I guess there indeed was some truth in it. Many of them dyed their hair, some picked up new habits, had a more tone physique, whilst some are just different in their manner of speech. To top it off, even my good friend who was supposedly and widely accepted as the nerd in the class spotted a more trendy hairdo.

As for me....it is still the same old hairdo parted in the centre, flabby tummy and thick rimmed glasses to complete the look. Sometimes I just feel I will never ever be congruent to the world of good lookers.

Anyway...if there was something I cherished dearly...it would be kinship and friendship, both of which were put to a test recently.

I do hope my grandma will recuperate fully after breaking her foot and had to be admitted to the hospital.

I do hope I was not wrong in judging a person. Some of whom I befriended may talk behind my back..pass off hurtful remarks...yet all I could do is only to hope that I would not be let down again.

Perhaps...I'm indeed a constant....sometimes too ignorant and naive to invest so much trust in.........."friends".

Reflection

2007-09-11T11:53:00.000+08:00

I finally watched 881, the movie directed by Royston Tan on the struggles of being a Getai singer. It was very emotive and certainly tugged firmly at our heartstrings. It got me thinking on how one should cherish the time we have with our loved ones and how we can spend our time on more fulfilling things. As it was a saturday evening, the crowds were mainly the old uncles and aunties with a sprinkle of youthful looking teenagers, sort of like the open air cinemas of the past where there were lots of chatterings and loud coughings amidst the movie, however, at the climax of the show after the audience had been brought on a roller coaster of emotions, there was just still silence. I figured there were a couple of tears shed when the female lead passed away amidst the singing of the themesong.

Movies transcends gender,race and age. I have to profess ever since I watched Tan's first film on local gangsterism, 15, I'm deeply impressed with his range and versatility.

Anyway, back on the topic on reflection, I happened to chance upon a picture on friendster of one of my best army buddy with his new found girlfriend. Days of whining of his singlehood seems to over for him.......finally......yet the same cannot be said of me....haha

AED105

2007-08-29T20:18:00.000+08:00

Life is getting tougher in university....with tutorials...lectures...assignments and most definitely projects all piling up on my schedule.
The english lectures are still the same as of the 1st day..."caught no ball".
Maths seem to get more abstact by day.
The educational courses are also "killers" in terms of the amount of essays and research we had to subject ourselves to.....
Sometimes I just get this sinking feeling inside me.....work never seem to end

Anyway, it was a week of first.

My first project presentation on Moral Education, which hopefully turned up quite all right despite the few glitches.
My first collaboration in an all girls team for the project, which I have to admit was pretty fun, though I was once again deemed by them to be "bully-able".

Prior to the presentation, I was kind of apprehensive and afraid...but well...being me...I was just naturally worried. Though the mood at the beginning of the presentation seemed rather tensed, we were rather fortunate that we soon became accustomed to ourselves presenting and even managed to crack jokes and all to lighten up the mood. Though I would not to go as far as to say it is the best presentation that I had ever gave, it sure was the most fun one that I had been a part of.

Anyway...it was only the first stage of my career...and I'm pretty sure that more presentations are to come.

Read the strait times the other day about the awards given to 12 dedicated teachers. Kudos to them all for remaining so passionate and dedicated in their craft...and it only serves as inspiration to the future batches. Anyway....a particular picture stood out and I was pleasantly surprised to find out that my former Chinese teacher in primary school was one of the selected few. If my memory serves me well....she had begun her teaching career in my school when I was in primary 3...and presently she is already the HOD of the chinese department in a well-known primary school. I felt happy for her as it goes to prove that her work had been recognised.

I apologised to anyone reading this ( if there are indeed any) for the use of sub standard English...my mind is all about pronounced "dead" with all the draining and toiling during the past couple of night in preparation for the presentation.....and I added an entry only to leave myself a memory the day when I had my first presentation.....truly memorable..........

CCC-----Civilian Conversion Course

2007-08-02T01:01:00.000+08:00

A new dawn approaches....

I attended the NIE camp over the weekend and truth be told....it was considered fun. Though I was "sabo-ed" a couple of times( imagined being picked to be nominee for best camper despite me being the quietest amidst the cheers, the least active in the games and definitely the last to volunteer to perform the tasks assigned.) Thank goodness I did not win....trust me....I would not hesitate to dig myself a hole if I did.

Perhaps I would what many termed as a slow starter...with the exception to the few people I knew before entering...it seems I have yet to warm up to anyone else in particular. I do not know why...but it seems NS may have robbed me of the ability to even engaged in a decent conversation with an unfamiliar face. The conversations either do not veer far away from NS related issues or any feeble attempts are usually met with awkward one-liners. Perhaps what a friend said was indeed true......I do need a " Civilian-conversion Course"....or so we often joke about.

Time will most probably allay the awkwardness I felt initially...yet it seems the NS-ness within me will not subside in the foreseeable future. Not to be mistaken...I derived much joy as well as sorrow amidst the 2 years...yet I guess it is a rightful price to pay for gaining such an experience.

No wonder it is said that NS is a "life-changing" experience.

Anyway...my journey as a teacher has begun albeit as a trainee...After listening to the speeches by full fledged teachers who were seemingly trying to convince us that we had made the right decision...all I can do is hope that it indeed is. A particular moment resonated within the walls of my mind when a speaker quoted from the Robin William's movie, Patch Adams.

"If you treat a patient, you may win or lose.

If you treat a person, I guarantee you will win."

Applying the analogy on the education front...if all a teacher cares about in a student are merely his grades..he may either only pass or fail. However...should a teacher look beyond that...what presents ahead is instead an opportunity to mould a person's character and perception in his pursuit of the meaning of life...a cause far greater than meeting the pass or fail grade.

Megaboi & His Pre-school jitters

2007-07-22T01:25:00.000+08:00

Books.Lectures.Tutorials.

New faces.New surroundings.

I have not added any new entries for quite a while and to be honest...having to pick off from where I left off is proving to be a challenge.

Whenever thoughts of the impending day creeps into my mind...I get quite a fair share of anxiety pangs. Sometimes I really do wonder....What am I afraid of ??
The challenge of having to pick up my books and studying or the thought of me dealing with an unknown quantity ?
I guess perhaps I am somewhat slow in adapting to a new surrounding...often needing much time before being able to sufficiently integrating into a foreign environment.I feel that I am one who is constantly governed by routines and rules...I seem to be more at ease dealing with the familiar than the obscure. Perhaps I am indeed resistive to change.
Picturing myself stubbornly clunging onto the old and refusing the new....a sudden flashback of a childhood memory jolted my mind.

I was in pre-school and it was the first day of me being in kindergarten. Being the spoilt brat that I was...I refused to alight from my dad's car and rejected any attempts put forth to coax me into school building. Perhaps I had feared the new surroundings or the unknown creatures called " teachers"...yet whatever the case was...I remembered rather vividly clunging onto the seat's headrest...lips pouting...eyes welling with tears...standing firmly over my stance.

Though I did eventually caved in...maybe it was the alluring temptations of the sweets dangled before me or the can of coke promised to me...of which I could never recall...yet it just goes to show how much of a resistant to change nature I had since young. However retrospectively speaking...I was a child then and succumb to change only through the carrot dangling before me....yet almost two decades later and supposedly wiser...would I not have learnt my lesson in embracing change instead of fearing it ?

Change cannot be accepted instantly.The unknown cannot be comprehended overnight.

Hopefully time will serve to ease my anxieties.

PS :

Anyway...the time spent with my army pals in the chalet was indeed great fun. I am really grateful to the guys for organizing it and especially for yh for egging me on throughout the night cycling trip...for without him....guess I would never have completed it. I am also grateful to the guys for introducing to me the wonders of tennis....of which I think I am gradually loving it. Maybe my first step towards to a change would be to get a racket.....just maybe.....

A Bad Day in the Office...

2007-04-21T22:32:00.000+08:00

According to various medical reports...most people who blushes easily tend to suffer from high blood pressure. I am one. I mean the blushing part.....but hopefully not the latter.

For close friends who know me...well...let's just say I have a very high tendency to be a high blood pressure candidate.

Though my department in the office consists mainly of "aunties"...we do share the same workspace as other younger ladies. And being the conservative and quiet person...I was pretty much isolated from the rest ( except with weilson....my army friend who was also working temporarily in the same company but in a different department. )

Just last week....as weilson took half day leave...one of the office gals from his department came over to my desk and requested that I relay a message to him. Unfortunately....and for whatever reason in the world that I cannot comprehend....I began to blush. She gave me a puzzled look and walked away.

I never did looked up beyond my desk piled up with tons of paper work.

Despite trying my best to remain focused onto what I was typing onto the computer screen...I could not help but hear the lingering sniggers and giggles from the aunties sitting behind me. My head was bombarded with a flurry of thoughts and I could feel my blood coursing through me so ever quickly. Just when I thought my day could not get any worse...I was wrong. The pinnicle....climax...most embarrassing moment ensued....It went like this....

5.59pm....a couple of minutes before I can knock off for the day....and there I was clearing up my table and preparing to leave...

Auntie A : Hey...SIT DOWN !!...The boss is just behind you...She does not like people to leave early...and she is in a bad mood today

Me : ok...( I proceeded to leave for the washroom instead in a bid to bide my time )

When I returned....

Auntie A : ...(points animatedly in my direction)

Me :ok ( Sat down instinctively onto my chair and turned around thinking it was the boss again )

Unfortunately...it was but a mere prank and I could hear all the aunties around started laughing and mocking my "scared" look. I smiled and this time I asked if I could finally leave, yet I was never prepared for the final punchline that followed.

Me : Can I finally leave now ??

Auntie A : haha...of course....But you are only talking to an old lady....don't need to blush until like that...

Me : ....

Anyway....to set the record straight...in case anyone think I am another "scaredy-cat"...I am proud to say I've pulled my first stunt in the office...I actually listened to my mp3 whilst doing the typing !!

Though it was not much of a stunt...at least I believe it is a good start.

A Bad day in the office will not dampened my spirits...or at least I hope

Cheapskate + Picky = Me ??

2007-04-09T00:09:00.000+08:00

I finally had a chance to dine at Pariss international buffet as a means of celebrating my birthday belatedly with my family after suffering a bad case of oral ulcer a couple of weeks back. I did patronised the outlet at Marina once 2 years ago and admittedly the gastronomical experience was indeed satisfying, yet perhaps my expectations were thus raised for my 2nd visit was to be fairly ordinary.To be honest, I was initially looking forward to it, in particular the fresh oysters. The mere thought of it seems more than sufficient to cause me to salivate then. However, I was slightly disappointed this time round as the oysters were not as appealing as I had imagined them to be and to top it off, there was a limit placed on the amount we were allowed to take due to a shortage of supplies. For the record, I am neither a food connoisseur nor am I attempting to criticise the outlet as the staff were all friendly and helpful, rather it was a mere after thought on means of improvement, after all Singapore's F&B industry are gearing towards providing quality service, aren't we ?

Anyway for close friends who know me..." value for money" is something closely associated to my personality...that explains the above rambles.

I will be starting on my first job tomorrow and having gone through interviews and rejections thereafter, I think I may finally realise the comforts of the cocoon I was living in all these years should never be taken for granted. Making a living sometimes require one to have more than just grades and hard work...sometimes honesty may just cause one's downfall...

Childhood -> Adolescent -> Adulthood

2007-03-26T22:41:00.000+08:00

From 24 March 2007, I have officially become an adult.

I have thought that perhaps a Time machine would be fitting gift for a 21st birthday...something to take me back in time to alter my past...change my life.

Met up with a couple of Secondary school and JC friends over MSN and caught up with old times. I realised there were quite a few of them who had moved on to bigger and better things in their life...lots of Medicine undergraduates...some are gunning for double degrees in Australia...awarded scholarships to pursue their dreams overseas....all deemed to have a bright future before them. Perhaps it's sour grapes.....or maybe it is fate.

I have chosen to be a teacher...a career seemingly noble yet always said to have the bleakest of future. Though it is widely assumed that the job comes attached a security net and a stable income, I based my decision on more than the above mentioned. I was being selfish and a part of me chose it for a personal reason.

I wanted to help someone to live my dream...one that I know deep down that I cannot realise this lifetime.

Anyway...I have to thank my FDC platoon mates for the birthday celebration as well as the presents...I really did enjoyed myself that day. Kbox...group of guys taking Neoprints....an artistic french cartoon...board games at a concept cafe of sorts...a company of friends laughing and reminiscing old times throughout the day.....guess I could not ask for more.

Sun Yan Zi's new album is in stores now and being a proud owner of one....I have to thank Boon Kian and the guys for it. Besides the title track, Ni Guang, my initial favourites were track 6, An Ning, as well as Track 10, Xu Yao Ni. Coincidentally, both track 6 and 10 were produced by Yan Zi herself...perhaps I still prefer the old sentimental slow and mid-tempo part of her repertoire of songs. As I sat alone in the still of the night, appreciating her album, it sort of induces a rush of emotions within me. Maybe my life journey has just only just begun.

Having a new purpose in life and wonderful friends... perhaps a time machine is irrelevant to me after all. For 21 years, I have led a simple life...sans any spectacular achievements...yet it is still a happy one. And as an adult...I have finally learnt to be grateful for all that was given to me. Hopefully, it is a mark of adulthood.

Magical March

2007-03-18T13:25:00.000+08:00

On 2nd March 2007, I passed my Traffic Police (TP) test.
On 9th March 2007, I reclaimed my IC.
On 10th March 2007, I officially ORD and became an NSmen.
On 11th March 2007, I relived moments of the 2nd anniversary of my enlistment date as well as the end of the camp at Greenridge Secondary I was involved in as a facilitator.
On 15th March 2007, I celebrated my Mom's birthday.
On 16th March 2007, I was glad my brother chose to pursue his dreams and participated in the Campus Superstar auditions.(Though he was knocked out in the first round...haha)

My Magical March kick started with me passing my TP on my 2nd try. Though I have to admit it was due to me receiving a huge slice of luck, nonetheless I was pretty relieved when the tester stared at me for a seemingly infinite amount of time before allowing himself a wry smile and remarked rather nonchalantly, " ok lor...you passed. " My mind froze. I recounted how I hit the curb early in the test when I attempted to negotiate the crank course, thinking all is lost and the sheer disappointment awaiting me at the end of the test. However, if there was a lesson I learnt from my first attempt, it was not to let one setback affect my concentration. I knew I had to stay positive. I may sound rather preachy here, but truth be told, it worked. I remember praying silently for the remainder of the test, hoping for a miracle. Thankfully, a miracle was what I got.

After that intense anticipation and over zealous eagerness, I was somewhat disappointed when I finally held onto the much coveted pink IC of mine. Though there were occasional roars of " ORD lor!", yet there were no fanfare or previously thought of "stunts" pulled to commemorate this day. I know those stunts were mere figments of our fantasy, thought of to pass the times whilst on duty, yet these memories never fail to light up my day.

Anyway, that very weekend was spent "facilitating" a group of Sec 1 kids in a leadership camp. Though the situation was rather chaotic and the crowd unruly at the beginning, I believe some form of rapport gradually built between us. There were moments I reared my ugly side, when I actually blew my top and lashed at the students yet there were also very memorable ones, such as how they tried to console me despite "pang sehing"(abandoning) me during the cheers. I really have to admit it was a wonderful experience, being able to interact and understand first hand what the feeling is like handling a classroom of kids. Though the entire camp lasted only 2 1/2 days, yet I sensed a change in some of them. The previously introverted few began to speak up whilst the more outgoing ones took a step further by daring to perform on stage.I believe my team did eventually warmed up to me and I see this as the start of a career of character moulding. The satisfaction gained justified my future profession.

For the record, my younger did indeed took part in this year's edition of Campus Superstar. I only knew about it a day before the audition whilst celebrating my Mother's birthday. Unfortunately ( or fortunately for the matter), he was eliminated in the first round as the judges claimed he sung too softly. I am just hoping he does not appear on TV under the "Rejects" section or be known as "Careless Whispers 2". Much as I applaud his courage and willingness to pursue his dreams, I disapproved his tendency to do the right things at the wrong time. Perhaps it is the teacher in me speaking, but he will be taking his O-levels at the end of the year, yet he seemed easily distracted with such events. I just hope another miracle will appear.

With the end of my NS, a chapter of my life has closed.
With the start of my civilian life, a new one has begun.

Just Follow Lor !

2007-02-21T22:20:00.000+08:00

Oranges. Checked.
Ang Baos. Checked.
Ba Kwa. Checked.
enquires from relatives on the progress of my seemingly infinite search for a girlfriend. Checked.
For the record...I'm not that desperate as I make myself out to be.
A brand new Jack Neo movie screened just in time for the festive CNY period. Double Checked.

What a way to greet CNY 2007 !

All right...the above means of starting a new entry to this almost abandoned blog may be rather cliche...but blame it on the festive snacks which emptied my mind of any thoughts of updating this blog. Darn.....I seem to be making up excuses to cover up my laziness so ever easily.

Anyway...this is the fourth day of the New Year according to the lunar calendar. The day began with me going to the temple to pray in the company of my family and ended with me catching a movie...........alone.

I guessed I've changed quite a bit. Before I never thought twice about watching a movie alone yet now I seem to be growing accustomed to it. The movie" Just Follow Law" smacked full of Jack Neo's directorial elements...Slap-stick humour..generous dosage of CGI effects...sprinkles of Hokkien phases...emotional scenes that tugged firmly onto our heartstrings....and above all...a deep social commentary laced rather indiscreetly into an otherwise straightforward plot.

I really do admire Jack Neo's penchant to film social issues through a humourous perspective that allows one to better relate and remember the existence of such problems. Perhaps as shown in the movie by Fann wong's on screen persona after her soul had been switched...that maybe one would be able to see ourselves better only through the eyes of another. We all seemed so caught up in our own world and care so much about our surroundings that we have neglected the single most essential aspect of our lives---ourselves. Our sense of direction in life...our perception of life...our values and ideals on how lives should be led...had all been lost in the frantic race for promotions, bonuses, salary increments as well as the bosses' favour.

Yet...lest anyone think yours truly to be noble and seemingly disconnected from reality who abstains from the rat race of life....well to be honest....I'm not. Those were mere reflections of how people in general had led their lives blindly.People like me.

On a personal note... I do admit I'm equally guilty as one whose mindframe sometimes becoming so rigid and undying insistence of having to adhere to the rules and laws stipulated. Seeing how stubborn Gurmit Singh on screen persona's daughter could be when waiting for the traffic light to turn green before walking across the pedestrian crossing struck a chord with me. I do wait for the pedestrian light to turn green before walking even though there are no oncoming traffic or policemen so to speak in sight.......yet it is done only occasionally of course. Afterall...my campmates did not give me the nickname of " Mr. SOP" for nothing.

OMG !...cannot believe I was actually glad with that nick for that instance.

A New Start....

2007-01-08T00:16:00.000+08:00

The first post of Year 2007...

I made a new frame for my spectacles a couple of days ago after a freak accident in camp...and believe me...I was probably the closest one can find to a blind bat/mole/cat. Anyway...after collecting it from the shop in Toa Payoh...I had lunch and chanced upon a couple lugging onto a plastic bag branded " Kiddy Palace". Perhaps I was hit by a sudden bout of nostalgia...there was an urge to take the escalator up and visit my former colleagues. Though I only worked on a temporary basis for three months...the staff there took me under their wings and taught me all they knew. I was pretty grateful and glad that I made some good friends then...yet ever since I left for Ns...I never did make much contact with them.

That was 2 years ago. How time flies.

I strolled pass the glass display windows...hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar face. Though the displays and settings stayed pretty much similar...the same cannot be said of the staff. Maybe it was a matter of timing that I failed to see anyone I knew...but with a general look around...it was likened to being with a friend whom I've known for ages yet one who has no recollection of the past.....all right...perhaps it was a rather far-fetched analogy.

Browsing through the racks of toys...remembering the times I had to arrange the array of remote controlled cars, Gundam models etc...chatting( and gossiping) as well as slacking when the lady boss is not around...it was quite difficult to comprehend the fact that 2 years has passed so ever quickly.

In time to come...a new chapter of my life will be written---when I will come of age and celebrate my 21 years of life...the mark of adulthood. Similarly...many friends of the same age are already in the midst of planning their big day...but being a more cost-conscious person (read miserly)...perhaps a simple dinner with my loved ones will suffice.

On the threshold of a NEW YEAR...

2006-12-31T00:06:00.000+08:00

A year has come and gone ever so swiftly...The year 2006 has been a rather eventful one for me...though albeit a somewhat unlucky one too.

I was on the bus and looking out through the window when a sudden thought struck me. A seemingly infinite row of trees and road signs pass me by ever so fast, it is as though I was watching a fast forwarded version of my life unfolding right before me. Perhaps I am a person who values nostalgic sentiments or maybe just another ordinary bloke locked within the cages of his past...but it seems that the world is revolving so fast...every second seems to be slipping me by.

I was watching a choir concert with my friends where I was reminded of the fond memories that accompanied me through the colourful stint in JC. Seeing so many ex-choir mates taking to the stage blending harmonies and spreading the Yuletide cheers through carols...to be honest...I was rather green eyed for that moment.

Sometimes I really wonder....What have I done this year ?...What achievements have I made ?
Some chose to pursue their passion to perform on stage
some decided to get a car license
some wanted to beef their bodies up till they resembles some sort of a heavyweight bodybuilding champion
some walked(rejoined for the matter ) onto the path of spiritual enlightenment
some revisited their quest for intellectual stimulation
As for me...I guess I did not accomplished any of which...thus my feeling of foreboding and emptiness.

Anyway...me being always the optimist...believe in the light at the end of the tunnel. Though I may have nothing noteworthy to show for this year...hopefully I would be able to complete either one of the above mentioned.

Footnote : Thanks to the guys who brought me to Mos on wed...had a really smashing evening...
And also... Happy New Year to all !--------Cheers

The Wounds of War

2006-11-29T18:53:00.000+08:00

战争之伤

黑夜降临，夜声人静。
惟细听着晚上的沉默，
才可听出一丝悲伤的哭泣声。
蒙在心底的忧愁与愤怒已酝酿极久，
有如定时炸弹，随时引爆。

我似乎在恶梦图境中被困邦着，
在黑暗中摸索，但无出路可寻。
身上的战迹已与自己化成一体，
但皮肉之苦无比心灵之苦；
流血不如流泪痛。
无情子弹无人情可叙，
掠夺妻子之夫；孩子之父。

何为仇恨？何为爱？
为何因仇恨而战而不因爱而不战？
回忆起一幕幕熟悉脸孔从身旁突然不告而别，
心里有一丝空缺；一丝无助。
战争之伤使我非常疲倦，
视觉模糊。
眼前世界都是一片漆黑，
有如失去了生存之意。

灯也灭了；心也暗了。
一切争议也已结束了。
记忆中的恐怖画面却依然浮现在脑海里。
独自靠在角落头的我，
眼眶有点儿潮湿，
了望着远方的星空，
默默地盼望着解脱的一天。

My second attempt at writing Mandarin lyrics....After gathering much comments(also criticisms) on my previous attempt...where I was told that it sounded too much like a poem and as many of my campmates noted----4 lines in a song do not make a chorus.

Anyway...first and foremost....I should credit the new andy lau flick "A Battle Of Wits" for inspiring the above mentioned throng of Chinese characters. For the record...I DID actually watched the movie in a cinema. The movie constantly embraces the sentiments of anti-war, often questioning the meaning and necessity of starting a war. The movie also discusses the feasibility of " universal love"...a true possibility or a mere facade of our own fantasy ? The acts of war may have stemmed from greed, revenge,wealth or maybe to a large extent...the noble mission of eradicating all other forms of governance and anarchy to unify a population, hence ensuring a life of much stability and peace at the expense of human lives,properties and especially emotional traumas that may remain permanently. However, one really need to ask oneself....is there a dire need to resort to violence to gain peace ? Universal love, as preached by the protagonist in the movie, refers to the act of showing equivocal love to all...family and strangers....friends as well as foes. Supposedly living in a world of suspicion and distrust, more often than not one's sudden decision to show any form of kindness are shunned upon and treated with utmost care.
Is it really not possible to just give and receive ?...A pure and simple equation made more complex by one's own imagination.

PS : I'm really grateful to the cinema manager at Shaw Plaza who selflessly rendered his help when my brother discovered that his wallet was probably still in the cinema after the show. Guess kindness is still very much intact in our everyday society after all.

只要你幸福....

2006-11-20T22:50:00.000+08:00

只要你幸福

雨滴轻轻而落,
淋湿我的脸颊,
掩饰我的泪水,
阴藏我心中之苦.

瞧那天上的雾云,
记起你离别之刻.
我心中含着苦泪,
脸上却带着微笑.

不想你为我难过,
不想你因我而留,
不想你这样放弃,
我只想要你开心.

十年岁月如此漫长,
但是我情意仍未改.
我虽已成你记忆中之碎片,
但我愿成她在雨中的那把伞.

Sometimes utter boredom really makes people think\do stupid things. Apparently, i've been hit by the song lyrics-writing bug....not that i am trying to be some Vincent Fang of sorts. Admittedly, my level of Mandarin proficiency is still rather shallow...yet all thanks to my fellow campmate...guess it is time I practice before my Mandarin becomes permanently rusty.

It takes a long time for one to recuperate from his mortal wounds, yet sometimes it takes even longer for one's emotional scars to be fully healed.

Certain memories just seem to linger on......

Stories about Love-------My Time with Ah-Ma

2006-10-08T22:10:00.000+08:00

My time with AH-Ma

How I want to turn back the hands of time ;
to the moment when I was still a child who had her by my side.
A mentor who taught me to savour the simple joys of life ;
but more so, a guardian angel who shielded me with her loving hugs.

Sullen Beauty

Drifting slowly away from shore,
white petals of a wilted lily stood before.
Though its beauty was once very much adored,
all that remains are but mere memories of its past glory.

Once again it has been quite a while since I posted an entry...Anyway due to the haze outside...I decided to rejuvenate this very dead site.

I was watching this mini series on channel 5 a couple of weeks ago and was very much drawn to this particular episode titled " My time with Ah-Gong". Its plot revolves around the rather awkward relationship of a young spoilt brat with his helpful "karang-guni" grandfather. Having brought up as a little tyrant who was accustomed to having anything he desires by his single mother, he soon had to adapt to his grandfather's humble surroundings when his mother left him there to pursue her own dreams of becoming a movie star. As the child had never met his grandfather prior to this, the relationship was one of a rather frosty nature. Yet through their shared passion for soccer and a grandfather's undying love and affection, the boy soon warmed up to him and thus ensured formerly broken ties were finally mended.

The story somewhat reminded me of the time when my grandmother and I were still under the same roof. Though she has since moved to my aunt's, I still very much cherished the moments when I was cared for as a child. I never did saw my paternal grandfather as he passed on before I was born and all I had were stories of him to piece together an imaginary picture in my mind. My maternal grandparents left me when I was still young, hence I only remember rather vague images of them. Nevertheless, I still have a grandmother to care for and treasure...at least I get to enjoy a quarter of a grandparents' love...I'm contented.

Anyway...I know it's kind of late to post this on especially since I wrote the latter poem sometime ago...but better late than never.

The journey so far...

2006-08-12T21:54:00.000+08:00

Growing up

Back when we were little kids,
cradled in the arms of a woman we loved was all we yearn;
a Mother's love as it is.
Life was plain simple and sweet.

As we grew into the shoes of a teenager,
popularity and cliques were the roving obsessions in our heads;
peer acceptance was its name.
A tricky yet exciting path we knew we had to take.

Matured and developed as a working adult,
stable careers and a family of our own were desires that dwelled deep in our hearts;
personal ambitions as I would say.
Complications and bitterness lay ahead on this long arduous journey.

Many years from now when we bend over with a walking stick,
to make peace with God was our sole remaining wish;
enlightenment was what I believed in.
A revolution has passed, life was back being plain simple and sweet.

B.r.o.k.e.n.

Ties that bind we once had;
daggers that thirst we now possess.
Friends were what we were proclaimed to be;
foes are what we are declared upon.

Then, smiles were fixated upon us;
now, scowls are worn as a daily fix.
Laughter used to unite us;
sneers now divide us.

You have to wonder what causes the change;
to burn the bridge between two bosom friends.
Delve deeper into one's conscience;
and realize it stems simply from each selfish gains.

Thoughts of an RP

Give me wings; and I shall soar above the skies.

Give me heart; and I shall imbue passion into all my cause.

Give me wisdom; and I shall break barriers only with intelligence.

Give me hope; and I shall rejoice come the day I walk a free man.

It has been quite a while ever since I had contributed an entry...time constraints and fear of infringing certain laws that forbade the use of provocative language and discussion of sensitive issues were all mere excuses...

Anyway...based purely on my own informal observations, it would appear that quite a few fellow NSFs have been bitten by the nostalgic bug. Blog entries and conversations are usually peppered with memories and remniscence of experiences in NS. Perhaps it is to will the individual on...to remind oneself of the imminent arrival of the day one is finally welcomed into the comforting arms of freedom.

However, despite all the sentimental feelings felt about one's stint in the service, I guess I would have to admit that the time spent had indeed changed many...some deriving much positives whilst some took the turn for the worst. Conflicts of interest are naturally abound...sometimes pitting friends against each other...yet naive as I may sound....I just hope that peace and harmony may prevail.

Ever wonder what's inside an RP's head ?

2006-07-04T19:01:00.000+08:00

Heavy Rain

Tears of heaven fall from darkened skies,
the smell of rain evident in the still of a Sunday morning.
Though the sounds of raindrop peltering the window pane seem enchanting,
it fails to mask the sense of foreboding which cues the inevitable catastrophe.

Slowed Time

As he stood in solitude ; waiting for time to pass,

time seemed to be only crawling by.

Minutes seemed like hours ; hours like days,

an ordeal it seems will take infinity to end.

I am still coughing but otherwise I'm fine. I'm still in the midst of recovery from my viral infection that struck me sometime last week. My temperature peaked at 39 celcius...though I should count myself rather fortunate that the fever subsided the day after I was diagnosed by the medical officer.

Actually, to be dead honest, my stint in the army has probably the highest frequency in terms of doctoral visits. Since a toddler, I grew up on traditional Chinese medicine and illness diagnosed by Chinese " sin-seh". Call me "stick-in-the-mud" or " old-schooled"...personally...as long as it works...it is good enough for me then.

Anyway, moving on from my medicinal habits, I would have to admit I was rather disappointed to have missed out on my JC class gathering held during the time I had taken ill. It was a pity not being able to meet up with friends and chat up on old times...but well...there will be a next time.

A Fool's Dream ??

2006-05-17T15:46:00.000+08:00

Loss of Faith

I leaped and reach out my hand,
yet it's not high enough to touch the stars.
I ran till my lungs begged for air,
yet it's not faster than a gust of wind.
I screamed till tears streamed from my eyes,
yet it's not loud enough to be heard by anyone close.
I prayed for the impossible to happen till I was lost in the transient of my thoughts,
yet maybe it's just too difficult to realize.

NEVER

Speak, I could, but never fluent.
Write, I could, but never expressive.
Listen, I could, but never understood.
Sing, I could,but never in tune.

Jump, I could, but never far.
Run, I could, but never fast.
Climb, I could, but never high.
Dribble, I could, but never with a ball.

Read, I could, but never before a crowd.
Think, I could, but never acted upon.
Dance, I could, but never with a girl.
Yet again,
Never, I could, say never.

Looking at those who are blessed with the gift of the gab...the natural flair for words...the athleticism to fare decently in sports...the movie star good looks or the charming personality to woo a crowd......I cannot help but feel rather inferior. I used to question myself what am I good at...what are my niche areas...mostly I was left speechless. Agreed. I have a rather low self esteem when it concerns my abilities and decision making skills...often doubting myself.

Perhaps it is a twist of fate. My vocation maybe monotonous and dull...on the flip side...I view it as an opportunity to ponder over my inner thoughts and to take things as it goes...letting nature to take its course. Though I may be inept in more areas than one...I have never lost hope in my search of something I think I may be actually good at.

Anyway...in a few hours time...Arsenal FC will battle Barcelona in the Champions League Final. It will be the first time in history that Arsenal will appear in the final...adding on to the fact that they will be playing in a new stadium next season...and the impending future of its skipper hinging upon the outcome of this game...there will be much incentives for the team to do the club proud. Though deemed overwhelmingly as the underdogs...I still believe that with the grit and determination displayed in the previous rounds...They have every bit of a chance to claim the top honours. Well......whoever says one cannot dream ?

Sometimes People Dream...Yet no matter how Impossible...the Hope to realize must not be Diminished.

A song of hope

2006-05-09T12:31:00.000+08:00

Find The Way
Performed by Nakashima Mika

English Translation :

Why do you, with your small hands,
try to carry all these wounds on your back?
It isn't for any one person's sake, please don't lose sight of that
Why am I, while hesitating,
unable to escape?
What I hope for is the sun, the sun to light the way...

Find the way
Though in this glowing cosmos our hands can't quite reach
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we've traveled we'll find the light
You'll find the way

You said, "I had a long dream...
It was a very sad dream,
but what I saw wasn't one bit clouded..."
I said, "It's okay to cry,
because I'll stay by your side no matter what."
What I wish for is a hand, a hand to reach up to me...

Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As long as we stand our ground in the wind
Even if we're the first ones afflicted with this pain...

Giving an answer surely isn't everything
I'll be patient, it's all right, and so are you...

Find the way
Though in this glowing cosmos our hands can't quite reach
We depend on only our resounding love
Because at the end of the path we've traveled we'll find the light
Find the way
Even without words, even without wings to fly on
As long as we stand our ground in the wind
At the end of the path we've traveled we finally saw the light...
You'll find the way

Romaji Lyrics :

doushite kimi wa chiisa na te de
kizu wo seoou to suru no darou?
dareka no tame dake janai miushinawanaide
doushite boku wa mayoinagara
nigedasu koto dekinai no darou?
nozomu no wa hikari sasu hi wo hi wo...

find the way
kagayaku sora [uchuu*] ni te wa todokanakutemo
hibiku ai dake tayori ni
susunda michi no saki hikari ga mitsukaru kara
you'll find the way

kimi wa itta nagai yume wo mita
totemo kanashii yume datta to
soredemo sono sugata wa sukoshi mo kumoranai
boku wa itta naite iinda to
zutto soba ni ite ageru yo
hoshii no wa dakiageru te wo te wo...

find the way
kotoba nakute mo tobu hane wa nakute mo
midasu kaze ni makenu you ni
ima dare yori hayaku itami ni kizuketa nara...

kotae wo dasu koto kitto subete janai
aseranakute iinda yo anata mo...

find the way
kagayaku sora [uchuu*] ni te wa todokanakutemo
hibiku ai dake tayori ni
susunda michi no saki hikari ga mitsukaru kara
find the way
kotoba nakutemo tobu hane wa nakutemo
midasu kaze ni makenu you ni
susunda michi no saki tashika na hikari wo mita...
you'll find the way

* 'sora' (sky) is the word that is actually said in the song, but in the lyrics it says 'uchuu', which means 'universe' or 'cosmos'.

I was never an ardent fan of Japanese pop songs with the exception of the few that actually caught my attention...mostly due to my ZERO understanding of the language. Personally I feel that the lyrics embodies the soul of the song...thus I was never able to fully appreciate J-pop music. Anyway...I was watching the reruns of the gundam seed series when I heard this song. It evoked a certain sense of heart rendering emotions within me as I listened intently to the emotive vocals of Mika Nakashima and complemented aptly with the closing scenes of the anime series.

The song was meaningful...spreading the message of hope...something I had always believed in.

Sad...but....optimistic

A true Champion----Joan Chan

2006-04-23T22:40:00.000+08:00

Perfect World

In a perfect world,
there will be peace and harmony amongst all.
In a perfect world,
there will be no lies and deceit between all.
In a perfect world,
there will be no more mortal pain and sufferings experienced by all.
In a perfect world,
there will be no tearful farewells but only happy memories as remembered by all.

Sometimes life deals one so many trials and tribulations that just forces one to just throw in the towel and give up....giving in to pain, fear or even temptations. Yet amidst all these chaos...there lies a glimmering beam of white light amidst the sheer bleakness descended upon us...a champion amidst the laymen to inspire and display the true spirit of courage and hard as nails grit. Whenever one weakens and are on the verge of giving up...one only need to look up to these champions of life to remind us that all is not lost... no matter how impossible or how uphill the fight may seem. The war is not lost by losing a battle...rather it is lost only if one chooses to.

The article that featured a former RJC girl, Joan Chan, on her brave battle with tongue cancer truly touched me deeply. Despite the pain and the harrowing thought of having only months at most to live, her will to live never did flickered. She refused to succrumb to her condition and though it had weakened her quite considerably, she continued to press on and challenged it head on, never did wavering from her firm beliefs. Though I had never met her, I firmly admired her courage and undying will to live...
May God bless her as well as to those around her...may their pains be eased and fears allayed.

Though we may be strangers...I sincerely hope she will get well again.

Depressed

2006-04-18T22:18:00.000+08:00

Clouded Intentions

Charity stems from the heart,
an act everyone should play a part.
Yet when fame and fortune comes into part,
pristine and noble intentions are thus clouded and warped.

Trapped Beast

A body confined within the cages of Hell,
a soul tortured and left to wither in the deepest abyss.
Eyes blinded only by the lust for freedom,
a heart longing for the sweetness of everlasting bliss.

Life is never once predictable.....always churning out new obstacles and posing various challenges in the most unexpected of times. My present military stint has just fallen onto a new low...everchanging schedules and extra duties are but the mere tip of the ice berg. The recent changes has placed much doubts with regards to the general cause I should be working for.

Confused....angered...bitter...lost.

Maybe wenlong's entry probably sums it all.....and seriously.....I cannot agree more.

My Life has just gone downhill again.....and I'm depressed...almost to the extent as felt during OJT last year.

Anyway....I just watched the VCD version of the Harry Potter movie series....watching the 3rd installment..."HP and the prisoner of Azkaban" only served to remind me of my present plight....especially when the dementors entered the scene...sucking out any happy feeling within me...leaving me in a pathetic heap of despair and depression.

Looks.....Essential or mere superficial ??

2006-04-03T22:44:00.000+08:00

I'm twenty. I've been through hardship and tasted the sweetness of happy moments for 20 years, hence as such I've evolved and changed much. Yet it seems certain things just seems to haunt you wherever and whenever you are....I'm referring to my looks. Though superficial it may seems, that I had to lament on the state of it..or rather the lack thereof....but deep down inside many of us...where we claimed that looks aren't that essential...or books should never be judged by its cover...the moral high ground we stand on seems to fall apart so ever easily as upon further pondering...we come to realise that it is indeed looks that first impressions are based upon...the very first inch of information we transmit to the public with regards to one's personality.

Many people say I've a "baby" face....much due to my chipmunk cheeks and overall round shaped head...thus forming the very incorrect perception that I'm pretty much still a child despite me having reached the big 2-0 in my lifelong milestone.

Quoting a personal anecdote that had happened earlier in the day... It was around 5pm and raining heavily at Hougang bus interchange....I was on my way home from camp where I was on standby....dressed in my No. 4....I stepped off the last rungs of steps from the bus and was headed somewhat cluelessly towards the mrt station...There were 2 gals in their twenties pointing their fingers rather fervently at me...and before I know it...one of them started barracading me with questions which I assumed then to be for a survey. I didn't mind stopping to answer her since I was not in a rush...yet what annoyed me was her first question........"Hi...Which sec. school are you from ? "....If that was bad....the second was worse...."You are currently in NCC right ?"....

I replied in the most polite manner I could muster...and the conversation soon faded into a dull exchange of cliches.......eg.

" What's your name ?" she asked.
"Insert my name" I replied.
"O...haha....I'm called Sony then" she joked.

Anyway...That's not the point. My point is that what transpired during the conversation only served to highlight my view that my looks failed to betray any hints of my age.

I cannot change the way I look....for I do not believe in the magical wonders of cosmetic surgery...thus I can only tell myself to make the best of it and be thankful that at least I'm born healthy and into a loving family..where else many I may not know do not.

The entry is not to showcase the narcisstic side of me...rather it's to merely preserve a piece of my memory....hopefully when I look back in the future....I'll be laughing heartily over it and not allow my looks to hinder me.

Reminisce

2006-03-23T12:34:00.000+08:00

Northern Rocks !

Pic taken outside Hooter's.... Shift 1 + 4

Celluloid memories

Though time cannot be stopped,
happy moments can be caught, albeit only in film.
Though time cannot be reversed,
memories can be revisited, albeit again only in film.

Sometimes utter boredom can compel one to do really silly things....Anyway....I was diagnosed with conjuntivitis and was told to rest at home for the entire week. I've not much to do as I was not allowed to go out so as to minimize interaction and thus curb the spreading of the infectious virus. Playing old silly games on my com and watching TV were about the only entertainment I sought to have to quell my boredom. Yes......I know I of all people should never in a position to complain especially when my friends are slogging hard doing duties....a burgeoning sense of guilt resides within me......

Anyway....I met up with a couple of JC classmates 2 weeks ago....played pool.....had dinner.....and found out that the sheep had found a Shepard........

Hurt.....Broken....Empty....Hollow....Alone.....Clueless.....BUT Not Defeated.

Life Goes On.

Get to know yourself better...

2006-03-16T11:25:00.000+08:00

Your view on yourself:
You are intelligent, honest and sweet. You are friendly to everybody and don't like conflict. Because you're so cheerful and fun people are naturally attracted to you and like to talk to you.
The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:
You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person.

The seriousness of your love:
You like to flirt and behave seductively. The opposite sex finds this very attractive, and that's why you'll always have admirers hanging off your arms. But how serious are you about choosing someone to be in a relationship with?

Your views on education
Education is very important in life. You want to study hard and learn as much as you can.

The right job for you:
You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.
How do you view success:
You are afraid of failure and scared to have a go at the career you would like to have in case you don't succeed. Don't give up when you haven't yet even started! Be courageous.
What are you most afraid of:
You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.
Who is your true self:
You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve.

Courtesy of ......
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test82.aspx

Seriously....I've to admit i'm a real sucker for such personality test....maybe it's me feeling insecure and clueless as to the kind of person I really am and the kind of person I want to be.
Anyway....this test that I took was rather accurate...SCARILY accurate.

Army anniversary

2006-03-10T23:11:00.000+08:00

Pointless Ponder
I have no idea what to say,
just that it's been a year since the first day,
when I was first inducted into the Army,
and a year before I'm finally not.

It's been an eventful year.....and 11 Mar marks the day when I first begin my military "education". Anyway....I've made good friends and experienced much in my stint in the army....hopefully.....everything will be smooth-sailing......and may 11 mar 2007 arrive sooner rather than later.

Peace Out !

Your Working Style....

2006-03-10T23:05:00.000+08:00

You are extremely dependable and devotedly accept responsibilities beyond the call of duty. You have a complete, realistic, and practical respect for the facts. When you see from the facts that something needs to be done, you pause to think about it. If you decide that action will be helpful, you accept the responsibility. You can remember and use any number of facts, but want them all accurate. You like everything clearly stated.
Your private reactions, which seldom show in your face, are often vivid and intense. Even when dealing with a crisis you look calm and composed. Behind your outer calm you are viewing the situation from an intensely individual angle, often a delightfully humorous one. When you are "on duty" and dealing with the world, however, your behavior is sound and sensible.
You are thorough, painstaking, hard-working, and patient with particulars and procedures. You can do the "little" things that need to be done to carry a project to completion. Your perseverance tends to stabilize everything with which you are connected. You do not enter into things impulsively, but once in, you are very hard to distract or discourage. You do not quit unless experience convinces you that you are wrong.
You often choose careers where you can combine your careful observation and your caring for people, as in the health professions. Other fields attractive to you are teaching, office work, and occupations that provide services or personal care. You show your feeling preference in your contacts with the world. You are kind, sympathetic, tactful, and genuinely concerned; traits that make you very supportive to persons in need.
Because of your concern for accuracy and organization, you often move into supervisory roles. If you are in charge of something, your practical judgment and appreciation of what works make you conservative and consistent. You take care to collect the facts necessary to support your evaluations and decisions. A you gain experience, you compare the present problem to past situations.
For you, problems may be arise if your judgment is not developed. If your feeling preference remains undeveloped, you will not be effective in dealing with the world. You may instead retreat, becoming silently absorbed in your inner reactions to sense-impressions. Then nothing of value is likely to come out. Another potential problem is that you tend to be somewhat suspicious of imagination and intuition and not take it seriously enough.

Suitable Careers
bookkeeper
clerical supervisor
computer operator
counselor
curator
dental hygienist
dietician
health service worker
household worker
librarian
medical assistant
nurse
office manager
optician
paralegal
pharmacist
physical therapist
probation officer
religious educator
respiratory therapist
retail owner
secretary
social worker
speech pathologist
teacher
veterinarian

It's a pretty accurate personality test....
http://www.quizbox.com/personality/test47.aspx

Anguish Revisted.

2006-03-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

Haunting Memories
As the door to my painful past slid opened once more,
a dark mist fills me with much guilt and unatoneable remorse.
Though how I yearn to start life anew,
my path seems destined to be paved with haunting memories and eternal regrets.

Society progresses...technologies advance.....people become more affluent, educated and thus more knownledgable...perceptions have changed....in all the human civilization has evolved and has come a long way since the days of the dark ages......yet through all these times....one great mystery survives the ordeal of time.....to fathom the meaning of "Life".

Anyway...to quote a famous saying...."Life is never a bed of roses"......how true these words are indeed. Sometimes the truth hurts more only when one sees it straight in the eye. Life is strewn with much trials and tribulations...yet what is essential is that how one picks himself up and carry on with his lifelong journey. Words I had used to comfort myself.....yet sometimes certain things just cannot be forgotten so easily...it just seems so difficult to pick up the shattered pieces.....

The GCE "A"-Levels results were released last week....some rejoice...some were expressionless....and there were bound to have some who shed tears of disappointment. Reading the extensive reports in the papers seemingly led me back to the year before when I was just amongst the crowd of jittery students awaiting for the moment that may alter the course of my future. I had obtained rather mediocre results at best....downright pathetic at worst. I am neither a perfectionist...nor a high-flying-overachieving-talented-all-rounded multi-hyphenated academically oriented student........just someone who tries too hard to be a somebody.

The traumatic experience took me many months to recover to my old self...though sad to say....I was never the same being many knew from the past. I was always angry with myself...upset over my own imperfectness. The release of the results this year only served to trigger off my most excruciating past.

I had always wanted to be a somebody...to be respected and looked up upon...but through the trying times of the aftermath of the disappointment....I had learnt to look past my failures and treat it as a lesson....albeit a very painful one...on the importance of having to eat the humble pie.
Life is unexpected...there are crests and troughs...hence maybe in order to ride the crests and enjoy the high points of life....one need to experience the lows of utter disappointments and anguish.

Though I had found the answers to comfort and console myself....the memory still remains. The bleak days of my bouts of depression are over...yet they are never forgotten. The pain lingers within me...yet I never surrender in my quest for answers and reasons. I beseech all who may have lost hope temporarily...alike me then...to not give up for faith can overcome all.Naive it may sound...nonetheless...it is still quite an effective way of overcoming one's troubles.

Trust yourself...Believe....have Faith.

A local thought provoking movie.....another of Jack Neo's

2006-02-22T18:39:00.000+08:00

"The point of caning is not to pain,
the point is in fact to shame."

This day marks the first time I had seen a movie all by myself in the cinema....namely " I not stupid too" by local director, Jack Neo. Though many of my friends were left rather disappointed after watching it earlier, I was determined to watch it as I felt that the storyline had much close relatons to my future occupation. Anyway...despite the outrageous use of computer graphics and somewhat "naive" endings to certain conflicts such as when the old granny lied to cover up the robbery attempt by the two main leads.....the positive aspects more than redeemed the flaws...namely the strong acting by the veterans and the precocious talents from the first movie. Yet the best aspect has to be the storyline and setting of the movie...which in my opinion...has once again struck a chord with the masses. The plot was heart wrenching and tugged at many a heart string whilst incorporating many comic moments to further drive home the point of parents needing to spend more effort understanding their children in order to bridge the communication gaps caused by the different perception of two generations' definitions of love and kinship. What a child wants are his parents' affections and time...to want his parent's attention and understanding....seemingly very different from what the older generations would see as care for one's children. The provision of material wealth are no longer the fundemental basis in building an effective communication line with one's child...

However, should things go awry and the child not brought up in the expected way, should violence be used as the bridge ?? Worst still......should public humiliation be used too ?

Anyway....for the records.....My comments have no malice intentions in discriminating the usage of such means to discipline....rather my opinions are more of to support the alternatives means of solving the root of the problem....some may have their own individual reasons in melting out such means to eradicate ill-discipline behaviours in schools...yet i believe that it is but just a stop-gap measure....to completely solve the problem and bridge the gap....one needs to fully comprehend and fathom the realism of the problem at hand...the immediate necessity to understand a child's plight and to build a loving and supportive surrounding around him.

NEWS FLASH : Green Eye Monster strikes again on V-Day !!

2006-02-17T22:31:00.000+08:00

....Busride .....

Every morning he saddled on the seats at the rear of the bus,
relishing every moment of being able to see her while it lasts.
Although all he wanted was a name,
it never realized for the lack courage was his lifelong bane.

~~~~~~~~Not in the mood for Love~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Strolling down the sidewalks of a buzzing and vibrant city,
with sights of couples hand-in-hand a plenty.
Inhaling the sweet scents of rosy romance on a lonely Valentine's Day,
only the sourish aftertaste of a chalice of cheap Portuguese wine linger.

Valentine's Day came and went. Some say it is a day to celebrate and be merry with your loved ones and yet some say it is all but another occasion for the lonely souls the world over to hole up within their homes and escape from the realities of life. Anyway...as a friend advised me, " What will be.....will be. " I believe in due time fate will decree me to meet someone whom I'm meant to be with. The day was spent "arcade shooting" in preparation for my impending pistol range...whilst the night was accompanied by some of my bosom buddies from JC....namely the L4 gang. Though we did attract many incredulous stares from the mainly lovey dovey crowd at marina Square...probably they were expressing their disbelief at 4 guys having dinner at cafe cartel on a night when it should have been a couple's night...but we consoled ourselves that it was rather like a celebration of love...abiet a slightly different kind.......it was to celebrate our friendship. By and By....the stares did not matter so much....we were laughing and chatting as if we were transported back to the time where we enjoyed numerous occasions at the McDonald's opposite NY.....gossiping and crapping.......how fun it was then......

I may be green in envy upon seeing so many couples that night...yet in retrospection....even without a gf...but have friends like these.....guess my life can still be equally......fascinating.

If you feel the world is spinning to a blur,
if you feel the search for a soulmate seem futile,
if you feel abandoned and unloved,
STOP !
LOOK AROUND !
There will always be others to share your pain.......

If you just look hard enough.

Happy CNY ??

2006-01-29T22:37:00.000+08:00

Nostalgia

Sprawled across the lush empty field,
listening to the sweet melodic lullaby of the soft gentle breeze.
Busking under the moon's faint silent glow,
reminiscing the simple joys of a childhood I had already lost.

It's the lunar new year once again... delicious delicacies seducing my taste buds...more small talks with uncles, aunties and cousins you would probably only get to see annually as well as the timely hongbaos to supplement my coffers. Anyway just for the record, I've certainly nothing against CNY...just the fleeting feeling that this year's CNY to be somewhat rather muted. Staring into the weather beaten faces of my relatives, mostly left wrinkled by time, I wonder...how time flies.

Perhaps it is me always getting stuck in the past...the once rowdy cheerings and the innocent laughters of children during CNY has now been replaced with formal and almost business-like conversation on topics ranging from politics to the latest COE prices. Amusing it may be...afterall time will change a person. Many of my cousins are already attached, married or parents to a family...making their mark in their profession...well into their thirties and living a much settled life...leaving me as perhaps the infant of my generation to wellow on about the joys of the past. Man grow up...but it just never dawned upon me the rate of which the changes had occurred. The usual vegetarian lunch date was still preserved after all these years...a fortunate mark of tradition that has yet to be lost to the sands of time...hopefully never.

I'm nineteen and going onto my second decade of my life...an uncle many times over...a girlfriend-less NSF...but of course still a boy at heart.

My CNY 's resolution ??.....
My family to enjoy good health and prosperity...everyone to have their wishes realized...a GF and a driving license.......haha

A New Day

2006-01-01T14:26:00.000+08:00

Change

Borned into the wings of love,
protected and shielded from harm.
Yet there comes a day when a boy becomes a man,
to pick up his sword and serve his cause.

Though the air was intoxicated with anguish and despair,
her once shattered heart stood mended by a glowing pride,
to witness the drastic change from a son of hers he was,
becoming a defender of the land he is.

Wounded by rats with arrows on his back,
the mortal pain was incomparable to the scars inflicted within.
Yet though dark times stare ahead,
his spirit remains undetered for he knew night will become day...dawn become dusk.

A new year...a new day...a new beginning.
2006, a year of fresh hopes and dreams. Hopefully...all will go well in my life...peace to the world...and of course....to get my driving license.

Peace to ALL !

Belated X'mas entry....

2006-01-01T14:08:00.000+08:00

Through the eyes of another : X'mas Wish

Trudging through the snow laden grounds,
lay forth the faintest sounds of Yuletide cheers.
Peering through the misty glass windows
was a feast of a meal and much merry singing ;
a cradle of joy and warmth I so desire.

Christmas, a season of much merry making and celebrations, yet amidst the champaign popping and carol singing, do spare a thought for those who are less fortunate than many of us are. They may not have the company of families and friends, yet a simple gesture like praying for them or just a simple word of season greeting could just allow them to sample the joys of Christmas, afterall the season is of giving...isn't it ?

I'm presently about to embark on my "journey" in acquiring a driving license...thus the very late entry. Anyway....recounting my first X'mas as an nsf...I was pretty fortunate to be able to spend my X'mas eve with my family...and going to church for the midnight mass.

Perhaps. Love.

2005-12-12T22:41:00.000+08:00

思恋

爱很简单.
如果爱是永恒,
必定会有那么一天
我们都可尝到简单爱之滋味.
只要我不断追寻着我要的幸福,
我深信我们的爱可达到有如" Forever Love" 之深界.
我俩的爱情路途有如走过了漫长的丝路,
虽辛苦, 但开心.
因心知如可长江死守,
这将可为我们之间所创作出的童话画上只完美的句点.

Thoughts On Love

Love is simple.
If Love is eternal,
there will be a day
when we will get to taste the fruits of our love.
As long as we keep searching for our desired happiness,
I firmly believe that our love will attain a state of " Forever Love".
Our love journey had been akin to the long and ardous path of having to travel the Silk Road
for we found happiness though the road was a tad rocky.
We both knew in our hearts that if we could be in the company of each other forever,
it will be the perfect ending to a magical fairytale we had penned together.

Though I believe God had paved before me a destined path, the thought still cannot quell my desire to know when will I meet someone who will be willing to walk along the Silk Road with me. Alas, time will reveal the person from the depths of her shadows, whilst I can only ponder and imagine......had the person been revealed and merely slightly obscured from my view.......I wonder...hmm. Anyway...just realised that my Mandarin is lacklustre...really needs some polishing....

To love is a gift. To be loved is a blessing. Cherish all who cherished you.

Fitting farewell to a person who believes in second chances

2005-12-04T18:27:00.000+08:00

Tree of faith

As the sands of time slipped us by,
flowers bloom and wither by.
Yet amongst the wake of time rooted a sturdy old oak tree,
standing proudly with unwavered faith and determination to its cause.

Through hardship and turmoil,
through cold merciless rain and blazing sun,
lies forth a tree,
standing firmly with beliefs and values very much intact.

Alas, fate has forced the hands of time to bade a sad farewell,
to a wonderful principal,
caring teacher of life,
and above all,
a woman with wills of steel.
Though she may not withstand the strains of time,
memories of her struggles are akin to the undying spirit of the tree of faith,
lingering on in our hearts............
forever.

Time spares nobody in its wake...yet it does not mean that the past should be forgotten...gone...banished into the abyss. Maybe I should perhaps clarify the above intended meaning...it is a tribute to newly retired NYJC principal, Mrs Ho Woon Ho. She was a true champion for our various cultures to be deeply rooted within the seemingly more fickle minded modern generation of students. I was back at school on wednesday to witness the last of her tenure as principal. As I watched tears streamed freely down her rather rosy cheeks, a feeling of awe ruled over me. I admired the work she had put into promoting Chinese cultures in all her years as an educator, but I was more impressed as I stood and watched hordes of her ex-students thanking her for giving them second chances, shedding away the discriminating light shone upon them by society and ultimately changing their perception to life, driving home the amount of satisfaction one can garner as an educator within me.

Perhaps it was God's way of reminding me that spiritual rewards beats any monetary rewards that awaits if I had chosen a different path in life. I have constantly doubted myself...haunted by my own decision...yet it seems fate just wants me to accept that this is the course of life paved before me.

"飲水思源"
"十年樹木, 百年樹人"
These phrases are immortalized by her...the meaning of which be remembered and adhered to...always.

Thoughts of an RP... Episode Tango

2005-11-25T22:33:00.000+08:00

Haven

Embrace the tears of heaven,
swirve into the velvet sky like a worry-free raven.
Taking comfort that mortal life is but a mere tavern,
a stop before the arduous journey in search of one's haven.

++ Colourful Farcade ++

Busked in morning's golden glory,
bathed in sweet scented dew.
Delved deep within a lush emerald field,
a lonesome crimson rose bloom.

The week was spent engaging in a major exercise...and as I peered across the increasing number of vehicles that seems to move in doves...a perculiar thought struck me. Seeing that many owned their very own posh and expensive looking automobiles...I really wonder...is this what everyone is craving for ?...is this what everyone is willing to slog and labour for ?....a lap of luxury and " Plasti-caded" life where a sense of materialism rules over all logic. Despite the seemingly "perfect" world it promises...how many a times has it caused one to feel a tingling sense of emptiness ?...causing many to only realize that the path was in fact not as ideal as one would have thought...akin to a lonely rose in a beautiful world of wilderness.

What is it that we are striving for ?
material wealth or spiritual enlightenment ?
I'm neither a money grabbing rat nor a holy saint....
just a simple guy who is constantly lost in the wilderness of life.......

What is it I want from life ?.......I don't know......
maybe just a life of my own.

Mirror...Mirror...On the Crimson wall...What do you see happening on this fateful fall ?

2005-11-14T21:45:00.000+08:00

What do I fear most in life ?
Darkness ?
Loneliness ?
Poverty ?
Regrets ??...

What would I most likely shed a tear for ?
Sentimental movies ?
Death ?
Failure in my cause ?
Rejection ??...

What/Who do I cherished the most ?
Memories ?
My family ?
My friends ?
Her??...

Ever since young, during playtimes in nurseries and kindergarten, whenever the teacher asks me what were my ambitions and dreams, I always replied her with a clueless grin.

Was I to be a fireman/policeman/soldier(urg!) ?
No...for I was not brave enough.
Was I to be a businessman ?
No...for I lacked courage to venture into the unknown.
Was I to be a teacher ?
Never...for I lacked patience...
Or so I thought.

My life have often been stagnated by my failure to take decisive actions in order to achieve my desired happiness. My friends state that I am always afraid...even when trying to court a girl. I have yet to make the first move...merely deep down hoping for some miracle happening...entrusting my life to fate...maybe someday she will know...maybe someday she will chance upon this entry and know who I am. Perhaps someday I may finally present myself to her...when I have overcome the fear of rejection...hence I will finally lead a life of no regrets.

COURAGE...the sole sword of LIGHT in a DARK world of FEAR.

The Epitome of cowardice = Me ??? ( A cockroach story )

2005-11-09T20:47:00.000+08:00

Coward. Mousy. Timid. "Hum".
Do these words truly describe me ?....Maybe.Possible.

Anyway...I was locked in a "cold" war with the fiercest of beast....a mighty cockroach. There it was, lying with its back against the ground, seemingly immobilised and rooted to its awkward position it got itself into beside the washing machine in the kitchen. There I was, both hands clutching sheets of tissue paper, deliberating on means of disposing it. For the record, I think the face off with the cockroach took about twenty minutes before I actually plucked up enough courage to flush it down the toilet bowl. Amusing. Hilarious. Absurd. The entire episode may seem rather insignificant, mundane and pretty.....stupid. Furthermore, local singer Guo Mei Mei's newest music video, something about not being afraid of cockroaches, certainly did the matter no help.Yet upon pondering over the matter, a fearful thought shrouded my mind. If I could not even handle a cockroach.....what more the challenges of life ?

I always perceived life as a rocky journey of challenges, yet sometimes, upon setbacks, I tend to allow fear to seep into my inner self, to allow that moment of darkness to erode whatever minute self confidence I actually possess. I yearn to live purposefully with courage and ideals abound, to lead a life of little regrets, hence perhaps to achieve my vision of moulding a future I crave so much, I would first have to lose my frequent sense of insecurity and be more assured of myself. Dare to dream. Dare to live. Dare to live my dream.

Thoughts of an RP..Episode 1

2005-11-06T12:13:00.000+08:00

Brothers in arms

To sing, to dance. To cry, to laugh.
We all share the same passion and drive.
Though fate has challenged in our own ways,
Brothers in arms we will always be one.

{Sleep} ZZZ

The silver moon perched itself atop the bleak starless night,
darkness cloud my vision as I gently close my eyes.
A cool breeze calms my racing pulse,
alluring me into a surreal state of deep slumber.

The routines commonly associated with being an RP can be rather mundane, even downright boring. It is certainly not an easy task being one, considering the fact that one tends to feel unappreciated most of the times, especially during the peak hours. Adding on the burden of having to bear the brunt of much sarcastic and obscene remarks, one is also always engaged in a fiercesome battle to keep awake. Well, can't be helped. Whoever says life is a bed of roses ?

Anyway, life goes on. I promise to be strong. I promise I will not buckle under pressure. I promise I will complete my NS in one piece.

Take a little walk down Memory Lane

2005-11-02T20:06:00.000+08:00

Do not feel sad, for she had never really left.
Do not cry, for tears will not bring her back.
Do not reproach upon oneself, for this is God's will.
Yet above all,
Do not lose faith, for there's a reason for everything.

Maybe it is God's will, perhaps it is fate, yet probably it is all of the above. The time in army has really made me sit up and think of many things in life, some of which are shrouded with an aura of seriousness such as the future path I would have to undertake as well as the type of life I desire. However, some of which are of plain silliness such as how would my future wife and kids resemble, yet there are also moments where I get to be alone and recollect memories of the many wonderful people I had met in my life.

Sometimes when someone close has departed from the mortal world and begin a voyage after life, one often only perceive that the person has left us physically, yet one should always remember that rather than feeling a sense of loss, perhaps from a different perception, one would see that one had gained more than loss. The departed soul had instead bestowed upon the living a most beautiful and pristine gift, memories. Perhaps one would realise that after losing someone, despite leaving behind only simple memories, it had in fact made the living more appreciative of the person, always wanting to cherish every single little threads of recollection and memories of the person who had made a change to one's life.

The above short verse may sound rather cliche, yet I still believe it is the thought that matters. I would certainly admit I am no poet capable of producing profound phrases, still I would like to dedicate it to my Primary 6 Maths and Science tuition teacher, Mrs Quek, who had departed from this world I know. It may be a little late, considering that she had left a few years ago, yet the guilt within me still haunts me for losing contact with her all these years. I am very grateful to her for painting my perception of maths with vibrant colours and for inducing my passion for the subject, yet though I do not even have a photograph of her, I constantly seek solace in her memory and the fact that I had been presented a chance by fate to continue her legacy, the art of imparting knowledge to the young and seek more to resume her cause.

Trilogy

2005-10-13T09:58:00.000+08:00

1) Fallen dream

A stormy weather looms,
amid a mist of gloom.
Clutching onto only a wooden broom,
reminicsing of home in my own little room.

Lured by the riches of the promised land,
harboured fantasies of terming the wealthy and famous as friends,
yet what realised instead was a journey of lies and deceit in a lion's den,
leaving my lifelong hopes and dreams to a shattering end.

A poverty stricken cleaner I was,
to sing was my greater cause.
Yet all I learnt was that certain things in life are just never meant to be yours,
even if I had sung till my voice goes hoarse.

2) A love story that never was

Whenever I peered across the horizon to watch the sunrise,
threads of memory floods me with images of her soft angelic eyes,
which just seem to make my heart melt like a block of ice.
A pure and innocent tale of love at first sight.

I may be rather dull,
and we, seperated by miles,
yet I pine to scale the highest mountain and ride along the River Nile,
together,
after walking down the aisle
and taking our solemn vows.

Yet my feelings are akin to be trapped in a glass jar,
for I could afford neither a ring nor a posh car,
thus her suitors and I were never going to be on par,
as I could only watch her from afar.

3) Unwanted

Born out of wedlocks,
trapped in a game of toss.
Both parents claiming, "He's yours"
the poor child merely wished that born to this world he never was.

His mother gave him little food on his plate,
much less a birthday cake,
for she had labelled him a mistake,
a cruel trick played on her by fate.

He sobbed under every single star lit night,
pining for that glimmer of light,
hoping that with aid from some celestial might,
someone would just salvage his heart wrenching plight.

Friends

2005-10-13T09:52:00.000+08:00

Whenever you are feeling down,
cowering in the darkest alley of town,
a helping hand will come around,
to comfort and ease your frown.

Life is akin to the roll of a dice,
one never knows what will happen till one has seen it with one's own eyes,
yet come what may one knows that they will be by one's side,
to aid in one's quest to turn the tide.

Alas,
good times never last,
for though they may have become a thing of the past,
these fond memories are etched firmly in my heart.

PS : written on the 27/7/05 in CAB bunk.

Trip to a bookstore

2005-09-27T23:04:00.000+08:00

Books are akin to a safe abound with a wealth of knowledge and information...yet it was only during these couple of months that I had come to relished the joy of reading novels bought from a bookstore rather than the library. I actually BOUGHT my first book a 3 months ago...Dan Brown's The Da vinci's code.....and ever since then...I've never looked back. The second investment promptly followed in the form of another DB's multi-genre series...part thriller-conspiracies ladened-romantic and thought invoking....However..It seems that my recent costly obsession had gotten to my head as I seem unable to rein in on my urge...instead my hunger for more drove me further on...in desperate search to quench my dying thirst for a good read.

Alas...I walked purposefully into a Popular bookstore in Toa Payoh...determined to add to my paltry collection. It was then that I was attracted to a book of rather relatively simple cover design as compared to its more colourful and illustrious labels around. Upon reading through the blurb...i decided that maybe books can be judged by its cover....It was Mitch albion's 5 people you meet in heaven.....Simple plot it may be...yet i believe that a truly enlightening lesson awaits to be uncovered. Anyway....a boorish man approached me whilst I was browsing through...enquiring me on the content of a couple of books he had picked...possibly for his son or daughter.

Anyway..on hindsight...the above post was done in the spur of the moment..and add to the fact that I had too many a vampire related movies during the weekend..thus it had been largely exaggerated and written as if I was driven for blood...though the encounter with the man was perfectly authentic. There are many silly moments in our lives...I guess this is just another one......hehe

FDC memories

2005-09-23T00:08:00.000+08:00

Platoon 3 section 1....

The start of yet another chapter of my army stint...

2005-09-13T22:30:00.000+08:00

Time passes by swiftly...with a blink of an eye...yet another 3 months has passed me by ever so silently and quickly. The end of my FDC course should be a joyous occasion..filled with cries of relief and shouts of euphoria...yet the mood has somewhat been muted by the sombre misfiring incident that happened to me last wednesday. The fear of not knowing what lies ahead hovers above me throughout the past fews days...dealing me with a sense of anxiety and pain that borders on excrutiating propotions. The pain is not entirely derived from having to accept the fact that the incident had occured on me.....rather it is the wait that pains me...

Anyway....to keep my mind away from the constant pondering of the matter......I went to the AMK library yesterday. To escape from reality perhaps...Read a book by Rich Wallace.."Wrestling Sturbridge". It was a good book...as is the rest of the series...with the underlying moral of the story being to move on and not remain obstinate about a specific aspect of life. Many a times in one's obsession to achieve something...one often neglects the other more essential beings and surroundings of life. This might just be the lesson taught to me in the most unexpected and astonishing manner.

There was also a subplot that seemed rather interesting...in the course of courting the girl of his dreams...the protagonist pondered over a rather thought inducing statement...."Have I fallen in love with her or was I merely in love with the IDEA of having a girlfriend ?" There was never a doubt that there were flashes of infatuation in my life...yet pondering upon it...more questions rather than answers seemed to surface. Do I pine for someone who understands and fathom my feelings or do I pine to be understood and accepted ?...

Update of my life...

2005-08-21T19:01:00.000+08:00

I'm currently serving my national service as an FDC trainee...otherwise also known as an RP. Well.....I've not updated the site for a rather long time..Possibly due to my commitments and limited book out time. Anyway..As the saying goes.."one will only learn to treasure what one has already lost" certainly seems to exemplify the train of thoughts on my mind....Freedom has never tasted so sweet. Life in the army is all about regimental discipline and strict adherence to rules...sometimes even nonsensical and irrational ones....yet as quoted by my CSM...."Can't be helped"......life still goes on and i guess i'll jus hav to accpet things as they were.

Looking on the bright side things....at least i've widened my social of friends and met people from different social backgrounds and had certainly become more matured in terms of my perception of life.

Alas...many things in life are subjective...pain and euphoria...sweet and bitter...these are all in our minds. Life may be tough on one....inducing much pain and suffering...but if only one chooses to perceive things with an alternate point of view...one may just realise that these may just be tests put up to strengthen our minds and enrich our souls. To everything in this world...there is a reason...a reason to live...a reason to die...keep a positive outlook of life...only then will one discover the true joys life promises. Army life may seem like a torture.....but i believe that optimism is the one key element that will serve to help me live through it.

The resurrection of my blog.....

2004-11-27T22:54:00.000+08:00

Well.... though the exams are over.....a feeling of emptyness still resides within me...haiz....It may be over....yet i cannot speak with a clear conscience that i have no regrets...alas...life still goes on........well...i jus had a rather eventful weekend staying over at my friend's house....haha....playing on the Xbox game console......especially Halo 2....sleep at 4 am in the morning and yet we still had the energy 2 resume playing at 7.45am in the morning......guess we were really letting our hairs down.....It was the perhaps the craziest thing i'd ever done......a truly remarkable experience.....i'm still passively seeking a job...though my search seems futile....maybe cos i've never made any real attempts 2 search for one....a few months time from now holds the key 2 my future.......a future of unpredictability beckons...for all i could do now is to do nothing...haiz

a biblical quote....

2004-09-05T22:44:00.000+08:00

may the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power if the Holy Spirit

Romans 15:13

A memorable day.....

2004-08-08T00:15:00.000+08:00

This day was the NY choir farewell party 4 the yr 2s........a truly unforgetable evening as we played games......such as the water bomb fight....haiz....as i sat under the moonlight.....taking in the beautiful sight of my fellow comrades laughing and shedding tears of joy....a sense of nostalgia feels within my heart.......indeed.....how time has passed so ever quickly.....a year has gone by...though a tinge of sadness resides within my heart as i part with life in the demanding yet equally fulfilling choir.....seeing how the entire event had been organised gave me a strong sense of assurance that the choir is in good hands...the evening had been a memorable one that seems destined to be engraved in my heart....i hope i'll remember this evening forever....i would really like to thank God for bestowing upon me such a wonderful memory filled with such great friends....i thank God for this day

A tale from the bottom of my heart..........

2004-07-15T19:31:00.000+08:00

Sorrow pierces my heart with a hundred needles,
breaking my fragile heart in a clap of thunder.
Grief slices through my bleeding wound,
driving me to my inevitable doom.
Much as i wish to put this to an end,
Alas! the fate of my life lies not in my hands.
Yet despite the bleak darkness blinding my eyes,
a linger of hope still lies.

A poem by phil

Tired man.............................

2004-07-12T19:42:00.000+08:00

Haiz.......2day is another labourous day...wif so much work 2 be done....i've been slacking so much during the weekends, the guilt within me is pricking on my conscience...my world is seemingly being engulfed by the sense of guilt inside of me..........Anyway...Life is still as tiresome as usual...the stress level just never seems to lessen a single bit....however life was never a bed of roses...what is life without work and stress ??....haiz

2004-07-10T23:25:00.000+08:00

Yoz....2day marks the start of my blog...nothing special happened 2day...though the tons of homework is weighing me down...hopefully...i'll be able to cope...stress man!!

2004-07-10T21:54:00.000+08:00

Gimli

2004-07-10T21:43:00.000+08:00

Aragon

2004-07-10T21:36:00.000+08:00

cool pic...2

2004-07-10T21:32:00.000+08:00

Cool pic.......